A wife decided to leave for a vacation, leaving her husband in supervision of her mother and her cat. After a few days, she called her husband and asked, “How is everything going?” He responded with, “The cat is dead.” She cried out and said, “Why couldn’t you’ve broken the new slowly? You could have said the cat is playing on the roof or on the first day, and the next say it broke its leg, then the next that the poor things dead! Anyways, how’s my mom?” “She’s playing on the roof.”

I opened a company selling landmines disguised as prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof

Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and was thinking to myself…

Where the f*ck is my roof?

How many babies does it take to shingle a roof? Depends on how thin you slice them-hope marie lawson

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.

What is the best way to catch a baby fron falling off the roof, With a pitchfork.

what does a skeleton put on his roof shin-gulls

I started a company selling land mines that look like prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.

Q. How many babies does it take to shingle a roof?

A. Depends how thin you slice them.

There’s four people on a roof a Mexican, Asian, black guy, and a white guy. The Mexican walks over to the ledge and says “this is for my people” and jumps off, the Asian also walks over to the ledge and says “this is for my people” and jumps off, then the black guy walks over to the edge and says “this is for my people” and pushes the white guy off.

Two antennas got married on a roof. The ceremony was horrible but the reception was great!

Person: where do i commit sucide Dog: roof Person: good idea

I started selling landmines disguised as prayer mats. Prophets are through the roof!

So, a guy walks into a bar, and he tells the bartender, “After this last drink, I’m going to the roof to kill myself.” A guy sitting next to him says, “I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”, in which the man replies, “Oh yeah?” So, they both take their shots and go up to the roof. The guy says “You’re not gonna die, watch this!” He jumps off the roof and comes back up. The man rubs his eyes and tells him to go it again. He comes down and comes back up. The man says “Cool, let me try!”, and he jumps down only to kill himself. The guy goes back to the bar, and the bartender says “Superman, you’re an asshole.”

A woman decides to take a well-earned vacation and she asks her brother to watch her cat while she’s away.

On the second day, when she calls her brother to see how things are going he tells her bluntly that the cat is dead.

The woman is really upset and goes into hysterics, before saying, “You can’t tell a person bad news so bluntly. You should break the news gently. The first day, you should have said that Fluffy was stuck on the roof and couldn’t get down. The second day, you could have said that she had fallen, but the vet said she would be okay. Then on the third day you could have said that she died from complications.”

The next day, the woman calls her brother again and asks how things are. He says, “Well, Grandma is stuck on the roof and can’t get down …”

A man walking on his roof, carrying an axe. He drops it on someone below him and says “Sorry, It was an axe-cident!”

My dad was a roof cleaner and I’m dedicating this to him, so dad if you’re up there

What did niki Minaj say when she sat next to a bomb?

Bang bang right through the roof. Bang bang all over you.

two antennas met on a roof and got married the ceremony wasn’t much but the reception was incredible.

I walked into a store and I pointed a stick to the roof and i said"this is a stick up"