Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and was thinking to myself…

Where the f*ck is my roof?

I opened a company selling landmines disguised as prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.

A wife decided to leave for a vacation, leaving her husband in supervision of her mother and her cat. After a few days, she called her husband and asked, “How is everything going?” He responded with, “The cat is dead.” She cried out and said, “Why couldn’t you’ve broken the new slowly? You could have said the cat is playing on the roof or on the first day, and the next say it broke its leg, then the next that the poor things dead! Anyways, how’s my mom?” “She’s playing on the roof.”

Q. How many babies does it take to shingle a roof?

A. Depends how thin you slice them.

Two antennas got married on a roof. The ceremony was horrible but the reception was great!

I started a company selling land mines that look like prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.

I started selling landmines disguised as prayer mats. Prophets are through the roof!

There’s four people on a roof a Mexican, Asian, black guy, and a white guy. The Mexican walks over to the ledge and says “this is for my people” and jumps off, the Asian also walks over to the ledge and says “this is for my people” and jumps off, then the black guy walks over to the edge and says “this is for my people” and pushes the white guy off.

what does a skeleton put on his roof shin-gulls

How many babies does it take to shingle a roof? Depends on how thin you slice them-hope marie lawson

A woman decides to take a well-earned vacation and she asks her brother to watch her cat while she’s away.

On the second day, when she calls her brother to see how things are going he tells her bluntly that the cat is dead.

The woman is really upset and goes into hysterics, before saying, “You can’t tell a person bad news so bluntly. You should break the news gently. The first day, you should have said that Fluffy was stuck on the roof and couldn’t get down. The second day, you could have said that she had fallen, but the vet said she would be okay. Then on the third day you could have said that she died from complications.”

The next day, the woman calls her brother again and asks how things are. He says, “Well, Grandma is stuck on the roof and can’t get down …”

A man walking on his roof, carrying an axe. He drops it on someone below him and says “Sorry, It was an axe-cident!”

My dad was a roof cleaner and I’m dedicating this to him, so dad if you’re up there

What did niki Minaj say when she sat next to a bomb?

Bang bang right through the roof. Bang bang all over you.

I walked into a store and I pointed a stick to the roof and i said"this is a stick up"

two antennas met on a roof and got married the ceremony wasn’t much but the reception was incredible.

A man finds his son climbing the roof of his house. The kid kept using all sort of material to climb up, but the dad didn’t pay much attention. Next day the kid went to the state tower, and kept climbing using some adhesive gloves. The dads asks his son for a second time: " Son! why are you doing this?" the son replies: “You told me to aim up high”.

Person: where do i commit sucide Dog: roof Person: good idea

I told my friend to fly a plane,

But he threw a ramp of a roof