I opened a company selling landmines disguised as prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof

Last night in bed, I was gazing up at the stars and was thinking to myself…

Where the f*ck is my roof?

A wife decided to leave for a vacation, leaving her husband in supervision of her mother and her cat. After a few days, she called her husband and asked, “How is everything going?” He responded with, “The cat is dead.” She cried out and said, “Why couldn’t you’ve broken the new slowly? You could have said the cat is playing on the roof or on the first day, and the next say it broke its leg, then the next that the poor things dead! Anyways, how’s my mom?” “She’s playing on the roof.”

I started a company selling land mines that look like prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.

Person: where do i commit sucide Dog: roof Person: good idea

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.

Q. How many babies does it take to shingle a roof?

A. Depends how thin you slice them.

what does a skeleton put on his roof shin-gulls

if an emo doesn’t get better by Christmas Santas reindeer won’t be the only thing jumping off roofs this year

A woman decides to take a well-earned vacation and she asks her brother to watch her cat while she’s away.

On the second day, when she calls her brother to see how things are going he tells her bluntly that the cat is dead.

The woman is really upset and goes into hysterics, before saying, “You can’t tell a person bad news so bluntly. You should break the news gently. The first day, you should have said that Fluffy was stuck on the roof and couldn’t get down. The second day, you could have said that she had fallen, but the vet said she would be okay. Then on the third day you could have said that she died from complications.”

The next day, the woman calls her brother again and asks how things are. He says, “Well, Grandma is stuck on the roof and can’t get down …”

There’s four people on a roof a Mexican, Asian, black guy, and a white guy. The Mexican walks over to the ledge and says “this is for my people” and jumps off, the Asian also walks over to the ledge and says “this is for my people” and jumps off, then the black guy walks over to the edge and says “this is for my people” and pushes the white guy off.

Two antennas got married on a roof. The ceremony was horrible but the reception was great!

How many babies does it take to shingle a roof? Depends on how thin you slice them-hope marie lawson

I started selling landmines disguised as prayer mats. Prophets are through the roof!

A man walks into a rooftop bar and takes a seat next to another guy. “What are you drinking?” he asks the guy.

“Super Power Beer,” he says.

“Oh, yeah? I doubt it?”

Then he shows him: He swigs some beer, dives off the roof, and lands with no damage what so ever. He walks back into the bar.

“Amazing!” the man says. “Let me have some!” The man grabs the beer. He drinks it, jumps off the roof —and falls 15 stories to the ground. Splat. The barman says. “You know, you’re a real idiot when you’re drunk, Superman.”

What is the best way to catch a baby fron falling off the roof, With a pitchfork.

What did niki Minaj say when she sat next to a bomb?

Bang bang right through the roof. Bang bang all over you.

So, a guy walks into a bar, and he tells the bartender, “After this last drink, I’m going to the roof to kill myself.” A guy sitting next to him says, “I wouldn’t do that if I were you.”, in which the man replies, “Oh yeah?” So, they both take their shots and go up to the roof. The guy says “You’re not gonna die, watch this!” He jumps off the roof and comes back up. The man rubs his eyes and tells him to go it again. He comes down and comes back up. The man says “Cool, let me try!”, and he jumps down only to kill himself. The guy goes back to the bar, and the bartender says “Superman, you’re an asshole.”

My dad was a roof cleaner and I’m dedicating this to him, so dad if you’re up there

Yesterday we lost a quarter of our roof in the storm, oof