Sleep jokes

I suck Cyrus's dick when he is sleeping.

Just burned 2,000 calories. That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.

Yo mama's so stupid, she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

Okay, good night everyone who has common sense! "Akeld," you did not make it.

Well, I got stuck in the dryer and fell asleep. Then my step bro got home, and I did not know, and hours later I woke up. My pants were down, and my butt was on fire.

Why do Orphans sleep in a double bed?

Because their parents can't!

"Roses are red, Shut up and go to bed!"

Sleep and death are alike; it's just with death you don't wake up.

A sister went to her brother's room and says,

"I'm scared, can I sleep with you?"

"Yes, sis."

"What is this?" (pointing at his dick)

"My pet snake."

"Can I pet it?"

"Yes."

He wakes up in a hospital.

"What happened?"

"Your snake spit on me, so I bit his head off."

"You dummy!"

"Whaaat?"

Why would you not let an elephant sleep in the same bed with you?

Because they stink and now the room smells like elephant shit.

I've been taking Viagras for sunburn.

It keeps the sheets off my bed at night!

When a man sleeps with a lot of women, he's called a stud. When a woman sleeps with a lot of men, she's called your mum.

A man wakes up and asks his wife, “Are you okay? You were cursing me all night in your sleep.” The wife replies, “Who says I was sleeping?”

What do you call a rapper who's always sleepy?

NAP-TAIN

My mom told me that my friend Paul is coming over, and he is going to sleep over, so I was happy.

The next day, I ask my mom, "Where's the dog?" My mom asks me, "What dog?"

Then I said to my mom, "I heard Paul say, 'Do you want it doggy?' and you said 'Yeah.'"

Father talks to his 5-year-old son: “No, Petie, you don’t have to worry. There is no monster sleeping under your bed. It sleeps every day in the bed next to me.”

If a gay male is married to a well-endowed, physically challenged gay male that has been sleeping in bed for three hours nonstop, and he wants him to wake up so he can fix him his morning breakfast, how does he wake him up?

Wake up sleeping Jesus by giving him a blowjob.

Your mama is so stupid, she put a ruler under her pillow to measure how long she slept.

Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Goliath.

Goliath who?

I need to Goliath down and sleep!

Dentist said I grind in my sleep... he a real one for that.