A sister went to her brother's room and says,
"I'm scared, can I sleep with you?"
"Yes, sis."
"What is this?" (pointing at his dick)
"My pet snake."
"Can I pet it?"
"Yes."
He wakes up in a hospital.
"What happened?"
"Your snake spit on me, so I bit his head off."
"You dummy!"
"Whaaat?"
Sleep and death are alike; it's just with death you don't wake up.
"Roses are red, Shut up and go to bed!"
Okay, good night everyone who has common sense! "Akeld," you did not make it.
Why do Orphans sleep in a double bed?
Because their parents can't!
I've been taking Viagras for sunburn.
It keeps the sheets off my bed at night!
Why would you not let an elephant sleep in the same bed with you?
Because they stink and now the room smells like elephant shit.
When a man sleeps with a lot of women, he's called a stud. When a woman sleeps with a lot of men, she's called your mum.
My mom told me that my friend Paul is coming over, and he is going to sleep over, so I was happy.
The next day, I ask my mom, "Where's the dog?" My mom asks me, "What dog?"
Then I said to my mom, "I heard Paul say, 'Do you want it doggy?' and you said 'Yeah.'"
Why did the drum go to bed? It was beat.
What do you call a rapper who's always sleepy?
NAP-TAIN
If a gay male is married to a well-endowed, physically challenged gay male that has been sleeping in bed for three hours nonstop, and he wants him to wake up so he can fix him his morning breakfast, how does he wake him up?
Wake up sleeping Jesus by giving him a blowjob.
Kid: Hey, Mum, why are we pushing the car off the cliff?
Mum: Shut up, son, you’ll wake your father!
I hate nightmares.
I pulled a prank on my friend the other day. I painted a portrait of the backrooms blueprints while he was sleeping. Still had some extra space.
I played catch with my friends, but they keep going to sleep when I throw it.
You're like a cat, all you do is eat and sleep.
Why go to sleep because he was bossy?
From now on, we’re gonna call shitting the bed an “Amber Alert.”
What do you call a sleeping cow?
Ground beef.
