Sleep jokes
My mom told me that my friend Paul is coming over, and he is going to sleep over, so I was happy.
The next day, I ask my mom, "Where's the dog?" My mom asks me, "What dog?"
Then I said to my mom, "I heard Paul say, 'Do you want it doggy?' and you said 'Yeah.'"
Why did the drum go to bed? It was beat.
Just burned 2,000 calories. That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
Father talks to his 5-year-old son: “No, Petie, you don’t have to worry. There is no monster sleeping under your bed. It sleeps every day in the bed next to me.”
Yo mama's so stupid, she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
I suck Cyrus's dick when he is sleeping.
My friend bought a Tom Holland blanket and I said, "Well, now you're sleeping with him."
Well, I got stuck in the dryer and fell asleep. Then my step bro got home, and I did not know, and hours later I woke up. My pants were down, and my butt was on fire.
Okay, good night everyone who has common sense! "Akeld," you did not make it.
Why do Orphans sleep in a double bed?
Because their parents can't!
"Roses are red, Shut up and go to bed!"
A sister went to her brother's room and says,
"I'm scared, can I sleep with you?"
"Yes, sis."
"What is this?" (pointing at his dick)
"My pet snake."
"Can I pet it?"
"Yes."
He wakes up in a hospital.
"What happened?"
"Your snake spit on me, so I bit his head off."
"You dummy!"
"Whaaat?"
Sleep and death are alike; it's just with death you don't wake up.
Why would you not let an elephant sleep in the same bed with you?
Because they stink and now the room smells like elephant shit.
I've been taking Viagras for sunburn.
It keeps the sheets off my bed at night!
When a man sleeps with a lot of women, he's called a stud. When a woman sleeps with a lot of men, she's called your mum.
If a gay male is married to a well-endowed, physically challenged gay male that has been sleeping in bed for three hours nonstop, and he wants him to wake up so he can fix him his morning breakfast, how does he wake him up?
Wake up sleeping Jesus by giving him a blowjob.
My wife and I watched the movie Indecent Proposal last night. Afterwards, I asked her if she'd sleep with Robert Redford for $1,000,000. She said, "Sure, but where am I gonna get that kind of money?"
I said, "Are you half left or half right?"
"Neither! In-between."
"What?! In between your mom's tits when you go to sleep with her at night?"
Your mama is so stupid, she put a ruler under her pillow to measure how long she slept.