Sleep jokes
A man wakes up and asks his wife, “Are you okay? You were cursing me all night in your sleep.” The wife replies, “Who says I was sleeping?”
What do you call a rapper who's always sleepy?
NAP-TAIN
Why did the drum go to bed? It was beat.
Father talks to his 5-year-old son: “No, Petie, you don’t have to worry. There is no monster sleeping under your bed. It sleeps every day in the bed next to me.”
When a man sleeps with a lot of women, he's called a stud. When a woman sleeps with a lot of men, she's called your mum.
Why do Orphans sleep in a double bed?
Because their parents can't!
My friend bought a Tom Holland blanket and I said, "Well, now you're sleeping with him."
Well, I got stuck in the dryer and fell asleep. Then my step bro got home, and I did not know, and hours later I woke up. My pants were down, and my butt was on fire.
I suck Cyrus's dick when he is sleeping.
Yo mama's so stupid, she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
Just burned 2,000 calories. That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
Okay, good night everyone who has common sense! "Akeld," you did not make it.
"Roses are red, Shut up and go to bed!"
I've been taking Viagras for sunburn.
It keeps the sheets off my bed at night!
A sister went to her brother's room and says,
"I'm scared, can I sleep with you?"
"Yes, sis."
"What is this?" (pointing at his dick)
"My pet snake."
"Can I pet it?"
"Yes."
He wakes up in a hospital.
"What happened?"
"Your snake spit on me, so I bit his head off."
"You dummy!"
"Whaaat?"
Sleep and death are alike; it's just with death you don't wake up.
Why would you not let an elephant sleep in the same bed with you?
Because they stink and now the room smells like elephant shit.
My mom told me that my friend Paul is coming over, and he is going to sleep over, so I was happy.
The next day, I ask my mom, "Where's the dog?" My mom asks me, "What dog?"
Then I said to my mom, "I heard Paul say, 'Do you want it doggy?' and you said 'Yeah.'"
If a gay male is married to a well-endowed, physically challenged gay male that has been sleeping in bed for three hours nonstop, and he wants him to wake up so he can fix him his morning breakfast, how does he wake him up?
Wake up sleeping Jesus by giving him a blowjob.
What's 2ft long, blue, and stiff and keeps a woman up all night?
Cot death.