Situation jokes
What's red and sits in the corner?
A baby chewing on a razor blade.
What's green and sits in the corner?
Same baby, one week later.
Dad: I’m taking your toys to the orphanage.
Child: But why?
Dad: Because you’re going to need them there.
What did the grape say when the elephant sat on it?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
My friend looks like a homeless, thanks for the jokes.
Don't use Head and Shoulders, just use Head; otherwise, you'll end up in the retarded situation Stephen Hawking went through.
Sat at a busy intersection with a slice of bread, waiting for a traffic jam.
Cut a hole in the rug so he could see a dirty floor show.
He took hay to bed to feed his nightmare.
Took a tape measure to bed to see how long he slept.
Put his nose out the window so the wind will blow it.
Died with his boots on because he didn't want to hurt his toes when he kicked the bucket.
I put a guy in a fridge. He said, "I had a nightmare!"
Once, my father came home and found me in front of a roaring fire.
That made my father very mad, as we didn’t have a fireplace.
Paddy and Murphy are walking down the street when all of a sudden, Paddy falls down a manhole. Murphy shouts down, "Paddy, is it dark down there?"
Paddy shouts up, "Dunno Murphy, I crnt see a fecking thing!"
Stop making the jokes!
I want to write some jokes about unemployed people, but none of them works.
An orphan walks into a bar and the barman says, "What are you doing here? You need parent's permission!"
"Oh no, who will I ask?" the orphan says.
What is the difference between an orphan and cotton candy?
Answer: The cotton candy gets picked.
What is an orphan's favorite movie?
Home Alone.
Two blondes fell down a hole.
One said, "It's dark in here, isn't it?"
The other replied, "I don't know; I can't see."
I saw a kid sitting on the curb and I asked him, "Are you an orphan?"
He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?" "You're parents did."
What did the orphan say to the parent?
Oh, wait!
Is it possible for an orphan to go on an away trip?
No, because they already are on one.
I saw a kid on the curb. I said, "Where are your parents?" God, I love working at the orphanage!
Yo mama's so stupid, when I said, "Drinks on the house," she got a ladder.