Situation jokes

What’s one thing you can say during a wedding and in bed?

I didn’t know we were having seafood tonight!

When you see a kid yelling and you wanna leave :(((((((

I got in trouble today because I threw a lamp at the emo kid and said, "Lighten up!"

Guys, this has to stop. Let's tell their parents. Oh wait...

Aloneness is not the joke, it's unfortunately my reality.

I was raised as an only child, which I think was hard for my brother.

Hey ummm help!

What does it mean when a man sits on a boulder instead of on the ground?

A bolder choice.

"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Dooris." "Dooris who?" "Door is locked, that's why I'm knocking!"

Me: Why did the chicken cross the road?

My friend: To get to the other side?

Me: No, to get to the idiot's house.

My friend: Oh.

Me: Knock knock.

My friend: Who's there?

Me: The chicken.

A girl in my class started barking, and I yelled out, "Furry!" Everyone started laughing at her, and I felt bad. After school, I asked to drive her home, and one the way there I apologized and then told her to count down from 10 - 1. Before she said one, I yelled, "THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!" then I jumped out the car.

One day in Roblox, someone was arguing with me, and they asked me my age. "18." They said that they were twenty-two.

Me: "If you're so smart, what's the largest daycare game on Roblox?"

Him: "Yo Hair," he said. Then he left the game, and I said, "That is so messed up. Actually, that's bullcrap."

We all know yo homie bout to hop in a fight when:

1. He staring mighty hard at y'all.

2. When your friend know you gon get your ass beat.

3. When your friend say he not gon jump in (you know he lying).

What's the difference between an orphan and cotton?

One gets picked.

I saw a kid crying, so I asked them, "Where are your parents?" Then she cried harder, so I left the orphanage.

Orphan: Am going to see my mom in the kitchen because they are always in there.

Orphan: Realizes.

An assassin threatens a planet.

The planet remains calm.

The assassin: "Do you not realize the gravity of this situation?"

Imagine this scenario: A doctor walks in and tells the patient that he has all the illnesses, diseases, etc. in the world but cooler like this: "Bumbumbum you have depression, diarrhea, and cancer,... etc."

And then the last one on the list is that he is deaf, and then the doctor shows the patient the list.

What's red and sits in the corner?

A baby chewing on a razor blade.

What's green and sits in the corner?

Same baby, one week later.

Little boy: Are you an orphan?

Orphan: Yes, what gave me away?

Little boy: Your parents.