Situation jokes

A man walked into a bar...

Ouch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I told an orphan to never stop talking until their parents come home.

Now I can’t get it to shut up.

Why do orphans hate Dom Toretto?

Because it's all about family!

Is it possible for an orphan to go on an away trip?

No, because they already are on one.

A conman, a mentally handicapped person, and a Russian spy walk into a bar.

And the bartender asks, "What will it be, Mr. President?"

Yesterday, there was a blackout on my street.

So I sold them.

Orphans can get away with anything really bad at school, because they can't be sent home for it.

What do you call an orphan home alone?

A family reunion.

When it's April Fool's Day, go to an orphan and say, "Their parents should come back!"

I have many jokes about unemployed people--sadly, none of them work.

This is the true worst joke ever:

What did the person say to the other guy when he met him?

Hi!

My worst fear is being trapped in a lift with a man who is confident he can fix it.

A blond and her brunette friend were chatting about their boyfriends; the brunette goes on and on about how dirty her boyfriend is with her.

To not be outdone, the blond retorts:

"That's nothing! Once we were in the kitchen, I can't believe I didn't see it coming. One minute I turned, and he just got it all on my face! It was so thick and hard! It covered my mouth, my nose, my shoulders, and eyes. It even got in my hair, and when I looked up at him, all he could say was, 'Whoops! The flower went everywhere!'"

What did the orphan say to the parent?

Oh, wait!

Don't use Head and Shoulders, just use Head; otherwise, you'll end up in the retarded situation Stephen Hawking went through.

What is the difference between a prisoner and an orphan?

One of them is wanted.

A man is walking into the woods with a young boy.

Boy: “Hey mister, it’s getting dark out and I’m scared.”

Man: “How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone.”

Why did the orphan cross the road?

To find his family. Sorry!

"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Dooris." "Dooris who?" "Door is locked, that's why I'm knocking!"

Aloneness is not the joke, it's unfortunately my reality.