Situation Jokes

"Hey, don’t take my toy! What are you going to tell your parents?"

A man walked into a bar...

Ouch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What do you call a man that has no arms, no legs, and sits in front of your door? Mat.

Yesterday, there was a blackout on my street.

So I sold them.

A conman, a mentally handicapped person, and a Russian spy walk into a bar.

And the bartender asks, "What will it be, Mr. President?"

The image shows a four-panel grid of Kermit the Frog in different states. In the first panel, he's sitting on a log fishing. In the second, he's sitting on a rock, looking thoughtful. In the third, he's leaning against a post. In the fourth, he's looking out a window on a rainy day. The text "that's how my whole year gone" is overlaid at the top of the grid.

What do you call an orphan home alone?

A family reunion.

Orphans can get away with anything really bad at school, because they can't be sent home for it.

When it's April Fool's Day, go to an orphan and say, "Their parents should come back!"

I have many jokes about unemployed people--sadly, none of them work.

My worst fear is being trapped in a lift with a man who is confident he can fix it.

This is the true worst joke ever:

What did the person say to the other guy when he met him?

Hi!

A blond and her brunette friend were chatting about their boyfriends; the brunette goes on and on about how dirty her boyfriend is with her.

To not be outdone, the blond retorts:

"That's nothing! Once we were in the kitchen, I can't believe I didn't see it coming. One minute I turned, and he just got it all on my face! It was so thick and hard! It covered my mouth, my nose, my shoulders, and eyes. It even got in my hair, and when I looked up at him, all he could say was, 'Whoops! The flower went everywhere!'"