What happens when there's ten people in one house and they all have to shit and there's one bathroom?
It's a motherfucking shitshow party!
Me: I need a good roast.
My friend: Take me!
They're not jokes, they're notes now, get me?
I am in trouble.
Why is the orphan sad for dinner?
He has no one to eat with at the table.
I came on for an orphan joke.
Then I realized they are a joke.
An orphan boy at my school did really bad in a test and started crying.
I said, “Don’t worry, your parents won’t say anything.”
What do you call an orphan that has a brother? The second one without one.
The pastor jumped at the chance to meet Ariana the other day He also grabbed, fondled, and fingered. Some might say he was milking the situation
Why did the man sit in his porch and bark at the postman when he came? Because his dog had a sore throat!
I asked to switch seats on a plane because I was next to a crying baby. Evidently that doesn't work if the baby is yours.
I’m in a wheelchair and I can do stand comedy, oh wait.....
why couldnt sally get back up? because she has no friends
They finally released the audio recording from the black box in Kobe’s helicopter. Apparently when the helicopter caught fire Kobe was sitting right next to the only fire extinguisher. You could hear everyone screaming for him to put out the fire but he couldn’t figure out how to use it. They begged and pleaded for him to give the extinguisher to anyone else... the last thing you hear is Kobe saying “I’d rather die than pass it”
The top worst thing for an orphan, and probably the most awkward one, is when they're having sex and the other person is calling them mommy or daddy.
looks like he got stuck in a sticky situation.
So a woman walks into a magician's toy store and browses the collection. Among which was a black, phallic-looking object. She brings it to the counter and asks, "what's this?"
The cashier explains that it's a magical dildo that will listen to whatever you say, "fuck me in the ass," it'll float in the air and fuck you in the ass, "fuck me in the pussy," it'll float in the air and fuck you in the pussy, "faster," it'll go faster, "harder," it'll go harder. She bought this magical artifact and went home for a night of fun and pleasure.
After receiving several orgasms from the magical dildo, she'd had enough, and she told it to stop, but it didn't. The dildo continued to penetrate her, it would go harder and faster, but it refused to stop or slow down. In a panic, she ran over to her car and drove to the hospital to get it surgically removed. Her panic made her disregard the traffic rules, and she quickly found herself pulled over by a cop. As she pulled down her window, the cop leaned towards the door and asked "Do you have any idea how fast you were going!?", the woman tried to explain the situation, she told the officer about the magical dildo stuck in her pussy, but the officer didn't believe her, "magical dildo, my ass" he said, and the lady drove home.
There was a woman, with me, sitting. I had to leave until she pointed at something, it was, my butt. I was confused until, it was her turn. Of, Truth or Dare.
two nuns were sitting on a bench, a flasher flashed them and one of the nuns had a stroke ... but the other one was to far away : )
Rajesh get on bus, so many people, squeeze here squeeze there. He daydream about naughty stuff, like coffee spill but not coffee. Bus move, stop, he press close to pretty lady, she smell nice. Rajesh think how funny if something else spill, make whole bus ride wild. He laugh to self, bus ride never boring now!
The COVID-19 situation has been especially stressful for the Flat Earth Society. They fear that social distancing measures could push people over the edge.
