Shot Jokes

An assassin is about to shot his target, "I'm about to give you the JFK experience,."

Are you a Bullet because you go straight throw my head

I was hiking once with my girlfriend. Suddenly a huge brown bear was charging at us, really mad. We must have come close to her cubs. Luckily I had my 9mm pistol with me. One shot to my girlfriend's kneecap was all it took. I could walk away at a comfortable pace.

why was the kid not able to cross the hallway? answer: the school shooter already shot him in the middle of the hallway

Schools in the hood are kind of the same thing I always seem to get shot

When I die, I want to be shot out of a cannon..

And into a children's birthday party.

A Teacher asked her young students to get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and one by one, began to tell their stories. There were all the regular type of stuff.

But then the teacher realized that only Janie was left. "Janie, do you have a story to share ?’ ''Yes madam...My daddy told me a story about my Mom " “OK, let’s hear” said the teacher.

“My Mom was a Marine pilot in Operation Desert Storm in Iraq and her plane got hit”. “She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife”. “She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn’t break and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops.” “She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.”

Pin drop silence in the class !!

''Good Heavens" said the horrified teacher “What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story ?”

“Stay away from Mummy when she’s drunk```...!!!”

The kid with a gun walked into my class room and fucking shot the teacher. He pointed the gun at me and asked,

"What's 2+2?" I answer him and he writes the answer down on his test. He did this with every kid. He got a 100%, expelled, and a lifetime in prison. Hey at least he gets free food.

i got shot once. now i'm holey

Why should you never tell your french doctor that you bite your tongue? because your french doctor will give you a tetanus shot

Billy: Dad, I was shot by a sniper! Dad: Uh- *hides his rifle*

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

All of a guys son's came out gay. He ordered 10 shots in a bar. The bartender asks "Do u have anyone in ur family who likes women?" The man said "My wife does!"

Hello, anybody, I've just shot somebody, I did it on purpose

You just shot an unarmed man. Well he should have armed himself then

My Jokes are so dark that i am surprised that the cops didnt shot they yet

A man walks into a bar and sees a jar full of money and he asks the bartender what's up with that jar of money bartender says you gotta do 3 task he takes the shot of Jack and the customer says what are the tasks he says the 1st one is but the 1st 1 is I got about a 12' gator in the back that's got a bad tooth and you gotta pull it he says all right what's the 2nd 1 he said I got a big old girl upstairs that aint had no loving in a long time you gotta make her smile he takes another shot of Jack he said all right what's the 3rd 1 he said you see that horse outside you gotta make him laugh and cry Guy goes upstairs goes out back comes out to the front comes back in the other customer said give him the jar The guy says I took care of that lady's tooth and I made that alligator smile well how'd you make the horse laugh he said easy i told him I had a bigger deck then him bartender says how did you make him cry he said easy I showed him