Shot jokes
Are you a bullet? Because you go straight through my head.
I was hiking once with my girlfriend. Suddenly, a huge brown bear was charging at us, really mad. We must have come close to her cubs.
Luckily I had my 9mm pistol with me. One shot to my girlfriend's kneecap was all it took. I could walk away at a comfortable pace.
Schools in the hood are kind of the same thing. I always seem to get shot.
Why was the kid not able to cross the hallway?
Answer: The school shooter already shot him in the middle of the hallway.
A teacher asked her young students to get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. There were all the regular type of stuff.
But then the teacher realized that only Janie was left. "Janie, do you have a story to share?" "Yes madam... My daddy told me a story about my Mom." "OK, let’s hear,” said the teacher.
“My Mom was a Marine pilot in Operation Desert Storm in Iraq and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn’t break and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops.” “She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.”
Pin drop silence in the class!
"Good Heavens," said the horrified teacher, "What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?"
“Stay away from Mummy when she’s drunk...!!!”
The kid with a gun walked into my classroom and fucking shot the teacher.
He pointed the gun at me and asked, "What's 2+2?" I answer him and he writes the answer down on his test. He did this with every kid. He got a 100%, expelled, and a lifetime in prison. Hey, at least he gets free food.
My jokes are so dark that I am surprised that the cops didn't shoot them yet.
What's an emo's favorite food?
Shot gun ammo.
I wish I was at a Western bar; then I would get shot.
All of a guy's sons came out gay. He ordered 10 shots in a bar.
The bartender asks, "Do you have anyone in your family who likes women?"
The man said, "My wife does!"
Hello, anybody, I've just shot somebody. I did it on purpose.
You just shot an unarmed man.
Well, he should have armed himself then.
Billy: Dad, I was shot by a sniper!
Dad: Uh...
*hides his rifle*
Why should you never tell your French doctor that you bite your tongue?
Because your French doctor will give you a tetanus shot.
I got shot once. Now I'm holey.
Q: What was the last thing the United Healthcare CEO heard before he got shot?
A: "It's me, Luigi!"
All of you idiots who think that it is ok to laugh about us foster kids need to be shot.
What do you do if you see a nigger shot 50 times? Stop laughing and reload.
A man shot into a crowd at the train station and didn't hit one person. When the police asked why he missed, someone said, "'Cause he gay."
He couldn't shoot straight.
What did the Canadian say when a guy shot his beaver?
"It is ok, I forgive you."