Short jokes
What's the difference between you and an orphan?
Nothing.
Why did the orphan get an iPhone X? Because there's no home button.
Why did the orphan chase the family? Because he was jealous that he did not have a family.
Did you hear about the old Italian chef?? Yeah he pasta away.
Then a man walked comprehending to be him. Everyone knew he was an impasta.
A ball hit me in the vagina.
The sky never changes color, but when it does, we know how your breath is increasing.
Dating a German is great because they don't play mind games; they just provide a detailed, 40-page PDF explaining exactly why you are wrong.
Hey, wanna know why you remind me of a waitress?
Because you handle my food great, and I give you a good tip afterwards.
What is an orphan's favorite event? Homecoming.
The umpire and the catcher were having a conversation. The runner slid into home, “I slid into this conversation.”
Why are Nepalese bad at chess?
Because someone already killed their king!
What's the opposite of Jason?
Jasister.
Friend: "UR LIT BRO!!"
Me: "That's what my sleeve said to my arm."
Who said, "That's a small step for man, a giant leap for mankind?"
Not Stephen Hawking.
What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common?
Their last big hit was the wall.
My sis said only garlic and onions can make you cry.
So I threw an orange at her.
What is orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot.
Why did the sperm cross the road? To get to the vagina!
The closest thing in a depressed person's life is a knife and his/her throat.
What is flatter than an Asian?
Their nose.