Short jokes
How do you make a hotdog stand? You take away its chair.
Your birth certificate is like an apology from the condom factory...
Why is the Reaper not funny at all?
Well, he tells dead jokes!
She later made me a sandwich, and she cut the crust off it.
What do you call a stick with a string on the end of it?
A fishing pole.
I’d make a joke to Fetty Wap on this, but there’s only a 50/50 chance he’ll SEE this.
So many bots commenting so fúcking fix it!
If I had a dime for every time someone has told me to kill myself, I'd be a millionaire.
I recently got kicked out of a casino because I apparently misunderstood what the craps table was for.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Tank.
Tank who?
You're welcome.
If two vegetarians get into a fight, is it still called a beef?
Don't flirt when there is Life Alert!
Edna: Hey there big boy!
Big boy: You need to stop doing this.
Why are orphans not allowed in stores?
Because else they would actually feel at home.
A man walks into a store and orders 2 large chips. They give them to him and he says:
"I ordered 2 large chips, not 100 little ones!"
What do you call a shoe made out of a banana?
A slipper.
What flies around the school at night?
Alpha-bats!
How many people does it take to wash the dishes?
Only Juan.
I'm not saying you're stupid.
But you're the reason plastic bags come with the warning, "Do not place over head!"
The peanut gained confidence and finally came out of its shell.
No pine, no gain!