Short jokes
What do you call a kid with 15 nukes and a shotgun?
The final countdown.
Me: I'm afraid of random letters.
Therapist: You are?
Me: [screams]
Therapist: Oh, I see.
Me: [screaming intensifies]
What does the woman say to the cannibal at the fashion show?
"Who are you wearing?"
Your forehead is so big it makes Megamind's head look small.
It's best not to say "Hail Satan" because he can't control the weather!
That one teacher that flips on and off the light switch to get the students' attention... that one kid with epilepsy...
What is the slipperiest county?
Greece!
Once a blonde, always a blonde. 😂
"Knock knock!"
"Who's there?"
"Baby!"
"Baby who?"
"Do you want to eat this baby that I have prepared?"
"No thanks, I already ate."
If two vegetarians get into a fight, is it still called a beef?
Wanna see something dark?
Close your eyes.
Don't flirt when there is Life Alert!
Edna: Hey there big boy!
Big boy: You need to stop doing this.
Santa was in my social studies book. He was a redcoat.
What kind of bug lives in a graveyard?
A zom-BEE.
I'm stumped.
What do you say when a person trips?
You say, "Why you trippin'?"
Dad: You’re looking pretty sheepish.
Son: That’s too baaaaaad!
When a fat person steps on a scale, it says: “To be continued.”
I hit something when I pulled into my driveway.
And then I noticed that my cat was missing.
What is an animal that kids get for Christmas and can easily give to someone else?
A white elephant.