Short jokes
A guy who just got robbed says, "I've been hacked, and the hacker ransomware!"
I'm Asian and there is a saying that dogs are man's best friends. They are my best friends because they keep me from starving.
A suicidal customer walks into a gun store.
Cashier: Is this your final purchase?
Customer: Actually, yes it is!
What's a suicidal person's favorite type of bath bomb?
A toaster.
I rate the atmosphere of Israel a 10/7; real good stuff there, looks like an actual movie!
What do you call it when you choose Panera Bread over something else?
Panera instead.
Who is not hungry in Africa?
A dead person.
I feel bad for all American Clash Royale players.
They always start with two towers downed.
What is the difference between a dog pound and an orphanage?
In a dog pound, people actually want them.
Your hairline is so long The Rock complimented it!
Gay gang members don't do drive-bys, they do fruit roll-ups.
What's black, white, and red all over? A nun on her period.
Did you hear about the fire at Noelle's place?
Her sister is a real Dess-ember!
What's the difference between a dead person and a walkie-talkie?
A dead person does not walkie or talkie.
I feel bad for the people who were born on April 1.
Their life is a joke.
Why do blonde prostitutes prefer blowjobs?
They hate it when you hand it to them.
What do you call a Chinese assassin?
Chinese takeout.
Why do gay men hate periods?
They prefer Collins.
What is the difference between me and Paul Walker?
I’ve watched Fast and Furious Seven.
The Twin Towers are like crippled legs; once they break, they can’t be fixed.