Short jokes
To stop my password from getting hacked, I changed it to something difficult to crack: "StrongBrazilianNut111".
A guy who just got robbed says, "I've been hacked, and the hacker ransomware!"
I'm Asian and there is a saying that dogs are man's best friends. They are my best friends because they keep me from starving.
A suicidal customer walks into a gun store.
Cashier: Is this your final purchase?
Customer: Actually, yes it is!
What's a suicidal person's favorite type of bath bomb?
A toaster.
I rate the atmosphere of Israel a 10/7; real good stuff there, looks like an actual movie!
What do you call it when you choose Panera Bread over something else?
Panera instead.
Who is not hungry in Africa?
A dead person.
I feel bad for all American Clash Royale players.
They always start with two towers downed.
What is the difference between a dog pound and an orphanage?
In a dog pound, people actually want them.
Your hairline is so long The Rock complimented it!
Gay gang members don't do drive-bys, they do fruit roll-ups.
What's black, white, and red all over? A nun on her period.
Did you hear about the fire at Noelle's place?
Her sister is a real Dess-ember!
What's the difference between a dead person and a walkie-talkie?
A dead person does not walkie or talkie.
I feel bad for the people who were born on April 1.
Their life is a joke.
Why do blonde prostitutes prefer blowjobs?
They hate it when you hand it to them.
What do you call a Chinese assassin?
Chinese takeout.
Why do gay men hate periods?
They prefer Collins.
What is the difference between me and Paul Walker?
I’ve watched Fast and Furious Seven.