Short jokes
If I had a dime for every time someone has told me to kill myself, I'd be a millionaire.
What side of the sidewalk do crazy people walk on? The psych-o-path.
I recently got kicked out of a casino because I apparently misunderstood what the craps table was for.
What do you call a dinosaur that likes subtraction?
A galiminus.
Why is a deck of cards similar to a miniature pony?
They are both jokers.
F*ck you.
What kind of fish knows math?
An anglerfish LOL
How do you make a hotdog stand? You take away its chair.
Your birth certificate is like an apology from the condom factory...
Why is the Reaper not funny at all?
Well, he tells dead jokes!
She later made me a sandwich, and she cut the crust off it.
What do you call a guy in a wheelchair that lives with the royal family?
Rolls Royce.
Want to save 50% on your Chinese?
Just ask before you pay.
Been learning Chinese...
69 is too-can-chew.
What is the difference between a woman and ice? The ice always comes back.
What is the most awkward moment when Helen Keller is playing pin the tail on the donkey?
Her friends aren’t sure whether to blindfold her.
What’s the hardest part about being a pedophile?
Fitting in.
Why can’t Helen Keller jump out of an airplane?
It scares the shit out of her dog.
Why do Arabs hate chess?
Because the queen is allowed to move freely.
Why do emo kids cost so much?
Because they’re the only people you can scan at the checkout machine.