Short jokes
Your forehead so big you got to take Tylenol pills, big like chocolate chip cookies.
Where do mermaids get a job?
At the kelp wanted station.
What do you call a woman in a fighter jet to the right of the president?
An escort.
I met an orphan with a dog yesterday. I chose the dog.
I wasn't close to my dad when he died.
Which was good, he died to a landmine.
How does a non-binary ninja kill someone?
They slash them.
What kind of hair do oceans have? Wavy.
My sad ass life.
What do you call people who have an Oedipus complex?
Motherfuckers.
Man, I had a joke, but it left and never came back.
What actor does an orphan hate?
Vin Diesel.
Your momma is so dumb that when they said it was chilly outside, she came outside with a bowl.
Aloneness is not the joke, it's unfortunately my reality.
I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it! 😌
I reached into my pocket and pulled out a rectal thermometer and thought,
"Some asshole has my pen!"
A guy stuffed some cigarettes up his eyes thinking it would make him see colors.
The next day, he could see only one color... black.
Why can orphans get away from the FBI?
Because they don't have a house.
What do you call a Turk eating turkey?
A cannibal.
Let's have toast in the bath.
Why don't orphans go to Family Dollar? They don't have a family to go with 'em.