Short jokes
What do you say to a woman who is completely beaten up on her face, full of bruises, and has a broken jaw?
"Will you listen now?!??"
Did you hear about the dyslexic couple who were struggling to have sex? They kept doing the 96 positions.
My girlfriend's name is Candice.
Can these nuts fit in your mouth? :D
Why can't orphans operate Apple devices?
Because they don't know how to use the home button.
Why do blondes wear tight skirts?
To keep their legs closed.
What's a similarity between blondes and a vacuum cleaner? You have to turn them on before they start to suck.
Here’s my pun.
Yup literally nothing... jeez this was pretty plain.
Ever looked at a cemetery and thought, wow, Heaven and Hell must be crowded?
What do you call a person who doesn't masturbate?
A liar.
Knock knock. Who's there? Bad joke.
Wade likes Luiz!
I tell dad jokes all the time even though I’m not actually a dad.
I’m a faux pa.
What's better than throwing up a stillborn?
Making your wife eat it again.
Why can’t orphans buy ice cream?
They don’t have money.
An old lady in the bank told me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
What is the difference between a hooker and a feminist?
If you want a hooker to be a bitch, you have to give her money first.
What do sheep wear to the beach?
A baa-kini.
What is the difference between E.T. and an orphan?
E.T. can actually call home.
Everyone makes mistakes. Just ask your parents.
Hey babe, I’m looking to get 23 years in 23 seconds, can you help?