Short jokes
Why did the Twin Towers go shopping?
To get some plane bread.
Bro, living is so expensive, and I'm not even having fun doing it or getting my money's worth.
Your hairline is like Quandel Dingle, it's so goofy!
Why don’t I like shafting?
It feels squishy.
I got a toaster for my birthday and said, "Yay, new bath bomb!"
A telescope has two uses:
1. To look in space. 2. To see your hairline.
Parent: My parents never attended my birthdays.
Birthday girl: Oh wow!
Parent: Anyone missing?
Birthday girl: Your parents.
What is the only thing worse than being told you're adopted?
Still being in the orphanage at 13.
I get jealous when my phone dies.
Once you’ve seen a shopping center, you’ve seen a mall.
This year I'm going to name my Christmas tree Amy Winehouse, because when it dies it will leave needles all over the living room.
When you see a kid yelling and you wanna leave :(((((((
Are you twinning today? Because The Rock would be shocked!
You were sad because your grandmother died.
The next day, you were washing your face, and you realize sadness made your face BLUE.
Your mom is so fat, she starts with the letter O in the alphabet because O.B.C.D. (Obesity).
Your hairline's so far back even Bill Nye the Science Guy couldn't use photosynthesis to fix it.
What do you call a disabled person who deals drugs?
A wheel dealer.
"Osama bin Laden playing MW2 Air Strike inbound."
Q: What's the difference between a prison and a concentration camp?
A: At least you don't die when you shower.
I heard that the World Orphan Organization has a sponsor... DC Comics.