Short jokes
My dad is now a milkman.
Now I have over 50 brothers and sisters.
My family was watching Home Alone 2, so whenever Kevin was at the top of the Twin Towers, I threw a paper airplane at the T.V.
What does Buzz Lightyear and an orphan's parents have in common?
They go to infinity and beyond.
Why did the Twin Towers go shopping?
To get some plane bread.
Bro, living is so expensive, and I'm not even having fun doing it or getting my money's worth.
Your hairline is like Quandel Dingle, it's so goofy!
Why don’t I like shafting?
It feels squishy.
Q: How tall was Hitler's grass? A: *Hitler salute* about this high!
I got a toaster for my birthday and said, "Yay, new bath bomb!"
A telescope has two uses:
1. To look in space. 2. To see your hairline.
Parent: My parents never attended my birthdays.
Birthday girl: Oh wow!
Parent: Anyone missing?
Birthday girl: Your parents.
What is the only thing worse than being told you're adopted?
Still being in the orphanage at 13.
I get jealous when my phone dies.
Once you’ve seen a shopping center, you’ve seen a mall.
My dad died in 9/11. At least he did what he loves best: flying planes.
Timmy had 66 toys. He said it was "2 many (662)," so he gave them to Mr. Divide. He gave 21. Equals flip it over! It’s weird.
What's the most optimistic blood type? B+.
What disease causes wrinkled clothes? An iron deficiency.
This year I'm going to name my Christmas tree Amy Winehouse, because when it dies it will leave needles all over the living room.
A donut and depression are the same. Both have nothing in the middle, and the other is nothing is left if you leave it for too long.
What is cold and alone?
An orphan's parent.