Short jokes
I tried to find my watch I lost last week, but I didn't have the time.
Why is the mermaid so dirty?
Because she is a maid, mer-maid!
McDonald's was originally called "Mac and Dick," so, if you think about it, you could be enjoying a Big Dick instead of a Big Mac.
I wanna tell you a scary math joke, but I'm too squared to tell you.
What's the difference between a Doberman Pinscher and a Social Worker?
Eventually, you can get a baby back from a Doberman Pinscher.
What’s the difference between the real Jesus and a picture of him?
It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.
What's stiff and 6 inches long?
SIDS.
Q: What happens when a pig plays tug-of-war?
A: Pulled pork.
How do you keep a bull from charging?
You take its credit card away.
What do LGBTQ+ people use as a weapon in THG (The Hunger Games)?
A rainbow.
Why do bees sting?
Because they're pricks.
We are always joking around about being adopted, when really we are still living in the orphanage.
Why do a pedophile love Halloween?
Free delivery.
What’s the difference between a motorcycle and a mutilated body?
I don’t have a motorcycle in my garage.
What's the difference between dad jokes and bad jokes?
The letter b.
What did the man say after he slipped and fell on the ice? Nothing, he just gave everyone the cold shoulder.
How does an American know that his time has come?
He starts hearing Vietnamese.
How did the British lose the War of 1812?
They were out-Britshed.
If the government can print money,
Then why are we paying taxes?
What do we want?!
A cure for Tourette's!!
When do we want it?!
Cunt!!!