Short jokes
I wanna tell you a scary math joke, but I'm too squared to tell you.
What's the difference between a Doberman Pinscher and a Social Worker?
Eventually, you can get a baby back from a Doberman Pinscher.
How do you fit 27 New Zealand tourists in a 15-seater bus?
Simple. All in the ashtray.
What do you call a skeleton snake?
A rattler!
What is the opposite of Progress?
Congress.
What do classical musicians do when they die?
They decompose.
What do you call a blank piece of paper?
Women's rights.
What do you call a rare fart in Egypt? A toot uncommon!
What’s a squirrel’s favorite OTT? Nut-Flix.
What do you call a dolphin in the woods? Dead.
What do you call a wheelchair user in a fire?
Hot Wheels.
What's the difference between a golfer and a skydiver?
A golfer goes *whack* "darn" and a skydiver goes "darn" *whack.*
Yo mama was so fat, Huggy Wuggy couldn't fit his arms around her!
I tried to start a music career, but it crashed harder than Paul Walker.
What did the mother say to Michael J. on the beach?
"Excuse me sir, but you're in my son!"
Abortion is wrong because God wanted the baby to be alive.
Miscarriages are okay because God did not want the baby to be alive.
If you were a vegetable, you would be a cute-cumber.
Fake emo: when I’m sad, I cut myself.
Real emo: same.
Fake emo: another piece of cake.
If per capita is an issue, decapita can be arranged.
How does an American know that his time has come?
He starts hearing Vietnamese.