Short jokes
When I see the little brother in a video get everything, I try it and get grounded ;-;
My crush rejected me 2 years ago, and I still have never moved on. I'll be over her when a train is over me.
You learn from mistakes!
That's why you're an only child!
Why does an orphan go to a sewer?
So it can wash up.
How did people bully Helen Keller? They said, "Wow, that was the coolest thing ever! You really should have seen it!"
Why did the mailman come to the house?
To come back with the milk.
Your mama's so fat that she can’t even talk, even if Kevin says, "Oh my gosh!" 'cause she has a big ass mouth.
Why did Al Qaeda fail geometry?
'Cause they ruined the Pentagon.
Blind people driving on the highway would be the world's biggest, and shortest game of bumper cars!
What God do rats worship?
Cheesus.
If I like having sex and get with 15 people, are they getting sexified?
Me explaining my child: when your mom is sitting on a table during her period, it's called the periodic table.
I was at a bar. The girl said, "Sex, sex, free sex tonight," when she really said, "663629."
Wanted to go to the zoo, it was too packed, so I went to KFC instead. Their monkey enclosure is better anyway.
Anyone want to eat me up? I'm in that kind of mood right now.
How do you punish a blind person?
Hand them a gun and tell them it’s a hairdryer.
Your hairline's so ugly it made Michael Jackson lean back.
A suicidal customer walks into a gun store.
Cashier: Is this your final purchase?
Customer: Actually, yes it is!
I rate the atmosphere of Israel a 10/7; real good stuff there, looks like an actual movie!
What do you call a Black-Asian dictator?
Kim Kong Coon.