Short jokes
I used to be into fitness. But running from my problems got exhausting.
I asked for emotional support. They handed me a mirror and said, "Talk to someone who cares."
Why can't you kill a hooker?
Because they're dead inside anyway.
Why is 10 afraid?
Because it’s in the middle of 9/11.
What do the Twin Tower survivors order from Tim Hortons? A plane bagel.
What is Helen Keller's son's name? Hrrrrrrr.
What kind of fruit can fix your sink?
A plum-ber.
Why can you never surprise mountains?
They peak.
What do you call a German that can not see?
A Not-see.
Did you hear? There is a new toy for boys ages 2-10. It's called Jackson. A tiny white doll, with black Jackson. Get it while supplies last.
How do women hold their liquor? By the ears.
What do masturbation and brain damage have in common? After a few strokes, there’s no going back.
What is the speed limit for sex? 68, because if you go any faster, you’ll have to turn around.
Why is it so hard to find people defending suicide in any discussion?
Because they are really committed to their cause.
World leaders are so old, they've got nostalgia for the Cambrian explosion.
USA: "Never forget 9/11."
Brits: "What happened on the 9th of November?"
Your mum is a Rune Giant.
If you go to someone's house and see the flag of the former Soviet Union hanging on the wall,
that's a big red flag!
A Russian wedding should be called a Soviet Union.
What does a burnt pizza, cold beer, and a pregnant woman have in common?
Someone didn’t pull it out in time.