Short jokes
Uranus is larger than Neptune, but Neptune is more massive/heavier. (Fact not joke, also Neptune, don't kill me!)
I wonder if Stephen Hawking heard the song "Gangster's Paradise." Oh, shit, he can't!
What happens when Steven Hawking dies?
Take his iPad to Cash Converters.
Osama bin Laden
Got like 2,997 kills, damn, that's a new record!
Me to bully: You are so fat that when the satellite took the picture, you were considered as an island.
Bully: (Speechless)
I'd tell a Luigi joke, but it would fall flat faster than the line on his victim's heart monitor.
Why did the dwarf work at Tesco?
Because every little bit helps!
Gas is expensive nowadays.
In the 1940s, they got it for free.
"Daveon, stop screaming for help because I broke your kneecaps!"
One night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars. As I lay there, I thought to myself: WHERE'S THE ROOF?
Why was Jesus Christ cut from the hockey team?
He kept getting nailed to the boards.
Waiter says, "Sir, we ran out of ranch, so I had the boys in the back improvise. But don't worry... It has even more zip & twang to it!"
There's a blind hooker in town.
She never sees anyone coming.
What is a cow that's good at math good for?
Meat pie.
What do you call a gay baseball player? A homo-run-sexual.
I used to date this girl only to find out she's a guy.
I guess you can say she had me in a trans.
Where do sex addicts go when they need to talk? Hoe-and-Tell.
Taking an emo kid grocery shopping does have its perks.
You get to scan their wrists for discounts!
What time do terrorists arrive in New York City?
9:11 AM
I’m going to reenact the ending of Saw (2004), except I won’t stand up and shut the door.