Short jokes
My friend is gonna release an air strike. There has to be at least 20 confirmed toilet kills.
What do you say to your pony when it's being wild?
Stop horsing around!
I mess up goats for unicorns?
Jimmy the Unicorn or goat.
I don't even know.
Your hairline is what caused the Great Depression.
What did the constipated bum say to the other bum?
Piss don't s**t on me!
Who said white people can't jump?
Look at the footage from 9/11.
What has two legs and is red all over?
Half a cat.
I go 7u7. I said I go 7u7. Get Rick and rolled, my son.
Your mouth looks like it came from the commercials.
You smell like you farted hard. A, B, Honor Roll, all F’s, you retarded!
I took my girlfriend to the beach and a marine biologist thought she was a beluga whale!
When you go to a baseball game and they say, "Heads up!" and you put your head up, and the ball hits you in the head.
"Go back to Party City, where you belong!" — Phi Phi O’Hara, RuPaul’s Drag Race.
Do you want to know why they call it an orphanage? Because they couldn't call it orphans home.
Teacher: Tell me about the history of Tsar Nicholas (blah blah blah).
Student: How should I know, that's his story?
What is a leaf mixed with mud called? Ligma.
Ligma balls!
My cat's breath smells like cat food.
1, 2, I have a gun.
3, 4, I am in a school.
5, 6, Everyone on the ground!
Women be like don't tell me what to wear, proceeds to tell men what to wear.
If you were to drop an emo and a leaf off a tree, who would hit the ground first?
The leaf, because the emo is always hanging.