Short jokes
How do you keep a moron in suspense?
I'll tell you tomorrow!
Famous last words: I COULD EAT THIS IN ONE BITE!
Today I told my sis, "Knock knock."
She said, "Who's there?"
I said, "I Eat eat my mop."
She said, "I eat mop poo instead of who."
Two cunts are better than one, but one cunt is better than none.
What do you get when Cayden steals your sandwich? A knuckle sandwich.
I called my dog J. They said, "Joné."
A man walked into a bar...
Ouch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My grandad broke his legs.
To cheer him up, I bought him a Walkman.
My friend wasn't open to the idea of me becoming a nudist.
I told him to stop being so clothes-minded.
Why did an orphan kill ET?
To phone home.
Yo, sis, come here.
Sis: What?
Me: Oh, sorry, you doing school?
Sis: Yup.
Me: Can I go?
Sis: No way, you're going to hug me.
Me: I love you.
What do you call a smart pig?
A Swinestein.
If someone with a lisp dropped a hammer on their foot, would they be Thor?
Q: What did the chemist say when he found two isotopes of Helium?
A: HeHe.
I left Iran. Guess how? I ran!
We all know Albert Einstein was a genius, but his brother Frank was a monster.
What did the shoe say to the other shoe?
Nothing, it was tied up in another conversation.
Yo man, stand up.
*short person stands*
No, seriously man, stand up!
They say I’m sliced like the apples in a kids meal.
What do you do with a dead scientist?
You barium.