Short jokes
What do you call a smart pig?
A Swinestein.
If a man travels 14 miles to buy a loaf of bread, how long will it take for him to realise that living in the countryside is shit?
How do you get a cow to eat?
Give it mooshrooms!
Why did the bat fall out of the tree?
It couldn’t hang in there.
What do you call a Russian pharmacist?
"Ivan Astichestykov."
Why does it take so long for the pirates to learn the alphabet?
Because they spend years on C! Pirate: A, B, sea?
What is a shark’s favorite TV show? Sea-S-I.
It was so cold out today believe it or not, I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets!
What couldn’t the boy in the wheelchair do when he saw a bully? He couldn’t stand up for himself.
Why do special ed classes have fans?
To keep the vegetables nice and fresh.
What does a construction worker say to another construction worker?
Screw you!
I’m probably the episode 9 since I make people cry.
Thanks to an unfortunate typo, it's the most one-sided action movie ever.
Alen vs. Predator.
Why did the chicken crack the safe?
To get to her nest egg.
A man tells his doctor, "Doc, help me. I’m addicted to Twitter!"
The doctor replies, "Sorry, I don’t follow you..."
Get a head in life by decapitating someone.
Why did two fours skip lunch? They already ate.
What happens to grapes when you step on them? They wine.
What do you call a train that likes toffee?
A chew-chew train.
When I see James Charles, my popcorn goes pop pop.