Short jokes
Did you hear about the Scottish man who murdered his wife?
He totally kilt her.
Why do blondes wear tight skirts?
To keep their legs closed.
Confucius say, man who stand on toilet is high on pot.
What do you call a skeleton with a mask and a knife?
A heartless killer.
Why couldn't a lifeguard save the hippie? -- Because he was too far out, man.
Hey, you have something on your chin, no the 3rd one down.
I added Paul Walker on my Xbox, but all he does is sit on the dashboard.
My Japanese friend told me a Pearl Harbor joke. I told him he bombed it.
Your mama so ugly, when Santa Claus came to her house and saw her, he said, "HO HO HOLY SHIT THAT'S ONE UGLY BITCH!"
What's fast and almost got away?
A Mexican jumping the border.
Kobe was on fire before his death. He was on fire after too.
Why did nobody believe the little girl who got raped?
She said a monster attacked her.
Why do so many people hate Bill Cosby? I mean, all he did was have affairs with drunk, attention-seeking women. They literally begged for it.
A programmer pushes a stroller through the park. An elderly couple comes along: "Is it a boy or a girl?" The programmer replies, "Yes."
How did the cheetah greet other animals?
Cheetah: "Nice to eat you."
What is white, black, and blue all at the same time?
Barack Obama.
What do you call a cheap circumcision?
A rip off.
Look at a bag of black grapes. See how dark they are? That’s how I like my men.
25 at a time.
Where do pedophiles go hunting?
Elementary schools.
What's green and smells like bacon?
Kermit's finger.