Short jokes
How do you get a cow to eat?
Give it mooshrooms!
Why is the eagle a bird with many skills? Because it’s talon-ted!
If someone with a lisp dropped a hammer on their foot, would they be Thor?
Why doesn't Adele swim properly?
Because she's rolling in the deep. 🤽♂️
What do you call a smart pig?
A Swinestein.
Did you?
If a man travels 14 miles to buy a loaf of bread, how long will it take for him to realise that living in the countryside is shit?
Where do cows go to see the big screen? The mooo-vie theater.
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."
What do you do with a dead scientist?
You barium.
What’s the point in a cow going to the cinema? To be a-moo-sed!
What side of the sidewalk do crazy people walk on? The psych-o-path.
My sister is so annoying. She won $10,000 to go to hell.
If you take a cap off a bottle, is it decapitation?
I've thought about suicide, but there's always been a part of me that knows I wouldn't be able to live with the decision.
Why do we put round pizzas in square boxes and eat them as triangles?
What’s the hardest part about being a pedophile?
Fitting in.
My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.
What’s the best song to play when visiting Africa?
"Have You Ever Seen the Rain?"
Women understand each other.
That’s why they argue.