What do orphans and TVs have in common?
At least one of them has a home.
Why did my foot cross the road?
Because your ass was on the other side.
Yo mama so fat, when she passed by the TV, I missed a whole season of SpongeBob.
The devil's number is 346 because you will be in jail.
I just came across a pile of cash in the parking lot.
Usually I just use tissues.
My grandma unplugged the internet cable, so I unplugged her life support.
Once my sister was a sister, now she's a blister.
Why do orphans live in an orphanage?
Answer: Because they are wanted there.
So the man asks me, "Jesus, how do you want your steak?"
So I said, "Well done, my good faithful servant, well done."