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Q: What do you do with a sick chemist?

A: If you can not helium, you have to curium. If you can not curium, you have to barium!

Q: What did the chemist say when he found two isotopes of Helium? A: HeHe

Why is helium so expensive. It is due to inflation

what does a doctor do to make you better?

helium

Hey john, how are you going? Helium, yeah good what about you? (Hey Liam)