Short jokes
What’s better than Stephen Hawking?
Stephen walking.
How is a priest like a wristwatch?
They both start at 12.
Did you hear about the woman who put her husband’s ashes in a burrito?
He gets to tear that ass up one more time.
My great grandfather died in 9/11.
He was such a good pilot.
What’s the difference between chocolate and people?
You can’t buy people nowadays.
How do rappers stay warm in the winter?
They drop FIRE TRACKS.
What’s the best part about being a circumcision doctor?
The pay is good and you also get to keep the tips!
Playing soccer in a wheelchair is basically Rocket League in real life.
My dad told me a joke one time. When I realized the joke, the second tower was hit.
My sister said to roast her, but my mom said I'm not allowed to burn trash.
"Stupidity isn’t a crime, so you’re free to go."
On Halloween you better hide your candy, or else there will be a fella named Big Dick Randy.
What do you call a deaf and blind axe murderer?
Helen Killer.
What's the hardest thing when working with the severely mentally handicapped?
My dick.
A conman, a mentally handicapped person, and a Russian spy walk into a bar.
And the bartender asks, "What will it be, Mr. President?"
How do you tell whether you’ve satisfied a redhead?
She unlocks the handcuffs.
Q: What's the difference between a nun and a woman in a bathtub?
A: One has hope in her soul and one has soap in her hole.
Why are most vacuums gay?
They’re always coming out of the closet.
I got LEGOs for Christmas, and my friend got her father's headstone.
What’s the easiest way for parents to find out if their child is gay Look in the closet