Short jokes
How does a disabled man go to church? He can't, there's no ramp.
Why couldn't the pony sing a song?
He was a little horse.
I can swallow two pieces of string and when they come out the other end, they'll be tied together. I shit you knot.
If you're American when you go in the bathroom and you're American when you come out, what are you in the bathroom?
European.
Why are cigarettes good for the environment?
They kill people.
My friend wants to do martial arts, but he's disabled, so I guess it’s partial arts.
What is money called on the moon?
Mooney.
What do you call a toy that has a story?
Toy Story.
Bro, I thought your hairline was the Dorito logo.
Guys, stop making jokes about blind people, they might s... never mind, continue.
Why are orphans bad at basketball?
They haven't learned how to keep the ball with them.
What is a thing orphans have that we can never have?
Imaginary parents.
I don’t see what the problem is.
The Supreme Court came up with a solution to the tampon shortage, yet all the liberals are pissed!
My son came up to me and said, "Mom, where are your parents?"
I stared in confusion. I said, "In a far place."
He asked, "In an orphanage?"
Why did the orphan go to the playground?
To see if it could find its parents.
What do you call an orphan's family tree?
A stump.
My wife says sex is even better on holiday. I wish she didn’t tell me via email.
The fries were the slowest in the race and they said, "We need to ketchup to the tomato!"
Did you hear they made an Emo-Hipster pizza?
It cuts itself, and you're supposed to eat it before it's cool.
What is a leaf mixed with mud called? Ligma.
Ligma balls!