Short jokes
Three people having sex is a threesome; two people is a twosome. So next time someone calls you "handsome," don't take it as a compliment.
That is a "Penny-Farthing" bicycle. Dimes if you feed it beans.
They say we will have eternal life when Jesus is no longer coming.
Which city holds the record for the most suicides committed from a gorilla jumping off a tall building?
It was called Fall-adelphia.
What’s long, white, and full of cream? A cheese stick.
Famous last words: I COULD EAT THIS IN ONE BITE!
I wanted to open a brothel in the monastery, but the slogan: "Fist some Christs" was, unfortunately, not so well received.
Hi, I did not text back to text her and dad, now I’m texting her. Now I’m.
Why don't nurses like giving old people baths or showers?
Because they don't want their vegetables to get soggy.
What's an upside of being an orphan?
You'll never get grounded again.
I hit on the Twin Towers. They were hot.
How did Steven Hawking die?
He lost internet connection.
What do you call an orphan taking a picture?
A self-portrait.
What's the difference between a wanted person and a wanted handicapped person? The handicapped person wasn’t last seen on foot.
When I saw someone jump out of one of the towers, I yelled, "Do a flip!"
Why does Michael Jackson do positions with kids in photos? Because they won’t do the same for him.
What is going on here?
My friend broke his tie. That's a tie breaker.
You know this joke really cracks up my bones!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Rabid cow.
Rabid cow who?
Hold on, I need to get my gun...