Short jokes

What do volcanoes and suicide bombers have in common?

They both erupt when triggered.

How do you turn a dishwasher into a snow plow?

Give her a shovel.

Why don't Japanese people like iPhones?

Because they are afraid of American airdrops.

What did the skeleton say to the genderless child? "You're fucking dead, mate."

What do world hunger and a Mercedes have in common?

Princess Diana couldn't stop both of them.

What is the scariest thing you'll ever see in your life? James Charles thinking he has rights.

What do you call a pen with no head?

DeCAPitated.

What was Stephen Hawking's favorite TV show?

Robot Wars.

Why do emos like circles? Because they can hang out with them.

Why are Mexicans so bad in the Olympics?

Because all the ones that can run, jump, and swim live in America.

What do you call a person with Down syndrome who graduated high school?

Impossible!

Where do pedophiles go hunting?

Elementary schools.

Kids are like a box of chocolates, they taste so good and you never know what you are going to get.

A girl walks up to her friend with sunglasses she missed very much.

She told her, "Hey, long time no see."

God sent gays to fix overpopulation. Until they ended same-sex marriage.

Yo mama's so poor, she can't even afford to pay attention.

Why is there no woman on the moon?

Because it doesn't need to be cleaned.

Am I the only one who's on here because it's not blocked on the school laptop and I can't use my phone in class?

Cows go moo.

Babies are like airstrikes; they get aborted.

"Rape[is] the only sign of world peace in this life."