Short jokes
When Ariana Grande broke up with Pete, she said, "I have one less problem without you."
Where does a French cat live?
- In Purr-is
OR
- In the Catacombs
OR
- In a chat-eau.
Why didn't the pirate want to play cards?
Because he was standing on the deck!
Q: What is a Karen called in Europe?
A: An American.
My last 15 minutes as a 23 y/o!!
It's not my birthday, but a scary-looking man with a crowbar just broke into my house.
What do you get when you throw holy water on a cow?
A holy cow!
What’s the name of the band in the gay bar?
A: Beers for Queers.
What do bees like with sushi?
Wasabee.
Money and women are kind of the same thing for me; it comes and goes very easily.
Guys, say "I love gape horn" really loud and you will get good luck for 10 years.
What's something a depressed person can do that a regular person can't?
The depressed person can scan themself.
Your forehead is so big that it couldn’t handle an acute angle.
Your forehead is so big you can smoke a cigar in the rain.
Why are some girls scared easily?
They don't have balls.
My sister says I’m annoying, or that’s what I read in her diary.
I saw an orphan fall in the street crying, so I ran up to him and said, "Are you okay? Where are your parents?"
What is a shark’s favorite TV show? Sea-S-I.
It was so cold out today believe it or not, I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets!
Nobody really liked our fireplace.
So I turned it into a brick pizza oven. Idk why, but now everyone likes our fireplace.
What does a construction worker say to another construction worker?
Screw you!