Short jokes
Don't believe what your school bully tells you.
Always take it with a grain of assault.
Your mom is so fat that Dora couldn't explore her.
Does Eminem like M\&M's? Cause if he didn't, that would be like "they're" not liking "there."
Hillary for president.
What do people have a shot at when it comes to love? Shooting them in the heart.
Bill really said "your body, my choice," like, my man, it's your body, MY choice.
Why can’t you have a proper conversation with a gay person?
They’re never straight with you.
I looked at you, and you were bald until I got slapped up by Will Smith to the back of your head and saw the Great Wall of China.
Anime cats.
I wasn't going to visit my family this December, but my mom promised to make me Eggs Benedict. So I'm going home for the hollandaise.
You look so pretty. Not at all gross today.
I went to a butcher house with my little cousin and saw a baby pig and told her, "Look, it's Pepa Pig!"
She started crying.
"Herishy, me lava u, why did u leave mee? Wahh wahh baby sharka, doodle do to to babyyy cutie pie..."
What do you call it when an Arab girl has an abortion?
Removing a bomb.
Asian conversation:
Person 1: Ni hao, how's it going?
Person 2: Konnichiwa, what's up?
Person 1: I've bing chilling.
Why are there only 363 days in an orphan's calendar? They don't have Father's or Mother's Day.
What were Michael Jackson's last words? "Take me to the children's hospital."
Someone stole my mood ring. I don't know how to feel about that.
What do you call a Japanese person when their knees are cured?
"Happynese" (happy knees).
Do you know why the Japanese have squinted eyes? Because nukes are bright.