Short jokes
Your legs are just like Oreos! I wanna split the ends and eat what's in between.
What's the difference between a screw and a hooker? You can't unscrew the hooker.
Why did Helen Keller's dog commit suicide?
Well, I wouldn't want to be named "asdjasdjasdak" either.
What do you call a violent fish?
A smackeral!
Q: How did the explorers get to school?
A: They rode the Colum-bus!
What do you call two redheads on Mars?
Locals.
Me: So you two girls are from England?
Girls: Wales.
Me: Oh, I see, so you two whales are from England.
What is a Mexican's only obstacle?
Border patrol.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Ligma.
Ligma who?
Ligma balls!
If you throw a nun, is it called a... Nunchuck???
Bosses are like seagulls.
They fly in, make a lot of noise, crap all over everything, then fly out.
Me: John, what did he do earlier?
John: Hold on, I’m trying to think.
Me: I thought I smelled poop.
A boy is sitting in a dentist chair getting braces, and a dentist comes in and says, "Brace yourself!"
Animal jokes, eh?
Toucan play at that game.
Did you hear about the dyslexic cop? He jumped off his horse and blew his whistle!
Why do orphans go to church so much?
So they can have someone to call father.
A baby seal walked into a club.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because North Korea's long-range missiles can't reach that far.
Why do lions 🦁 go to SUBWAY 🥪?
Because they like to EAT FLESH.
Where did Johnny go after he wandered into a minefield?
Everywhere.