Short jokes
Why would a dead guy lie?
Because he can't stand up.
What did the shoe say to the other shoe?
Nothing, it was tied up in another conversation.
Yo man, stand up.
*short person stands*
No, seriously man, stand up!
"Mommy, mommy, where's my school dress... ewww!"
"Shut up and leave the bedroom."
We all know Albert Einstein was a genius, but his brother Frank was a monster.
Why do musicians in New Orleans smell so good?
Because they're jasmine (jazz men)!
What do you call a Russian pharmacist?
"Ivan Astichestykov."
Why does it take so long for the pirates to learn the alphabet?
Because they spend years on C! Pirate: A, B, sea?
Get a head in life by decapitating someone.
Why did two fours skip lunch? They already ate.
What happens to grapes when you step on them? They wine.
My grandad broke his legs.
To cheer him up, I bought him a Walkman.
How do you keep a moron in suspense?
I'll tell you tomorrow!
Why did an orphan kill ET?
To phone home.
Yo, sis, come here.
Sis: What?
Me: Oh, sorry, you doing school?
Sis: Yup.
Me: Can I go?
Sis: No way, you're going to hug me.
Me: I love you.
My friend wasn't open to the idea of me becoming a nudist.
I told him to stop being so clothes-minded.
Where does the resistor go after a long day?
It goes Ohm.
A man walked into a bar...
Ouch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's not surprising there isn't a whole lot of good tree jokes.
Most foresters have a wooden personality.
What do you call a train that likes toffee?
A chew-chew train.