Short jokes

Short jokes

Orphan

What is an orphan's excuse to leave a party?

"I'm gonna make like my parents and run."

Mary Poppins

What happens to Mary Poppins when the wind dies down?

*Mary Poppins seen falling in background*

Difference

What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?

You can unscrew a light bulb.

Rule

Grandpa said, "No phone near the table," so I said, "You're not allowed near the school."

Shit

What did one butt cheek say to the other?

"Together we can stop this shit!"

Orphan

Orphans can get away with anything really bad at school, because they can't be sent home for it.

Mama

Your mama's so fat, when she jumps in the pool, the water jumps out!

Dog

We were so poor when we were kids, dad used to jerk off the dog to feed the cat.

Nut

Have you heard of Imagine Dragons (the band)? Imagine dragging these nuts across your face.

Ceiling fan

If I don't find a reason to live soon, my ceiling fan isn't the only thing that's gonna be hanging from my ceiling.

Orphan

Why did the orphan cry when the teacher yelled at him?

Because the teacher said, "Don't make me call your parents!"

Kid

What did the kid who has no arms get for Christmas?

He couldn't even open it.