Short jokes
What is worse than ants in your pants? Michael Jackson.
What do you call a Greek necrophiliac?
Con Fuckacarcass.
Water was found on Mars.
Mars: 1 Africa: 0
Why does Michael Jackson like twenty-eight year olds?
'Cause there are twenty of them.
You are able to travel to the anime world, believe me, Michael Jackson did it.
How do you get a slag from Dundee pregnant?
Spunk in the gutter and let the flies do the work...
What does a blowjob and a bonus check have in common?
Someone’s always willing to blow your bonus.
Why is a ghost so predictable?
Because you can see right through it.
How do you piss off a midget?
Give them a yo-yo and tell them to play with it.
What do you call a child version of Batman?
The Raped Crusader.
Jeffrey Dahmer and his mother are having dinner.
His mother says, “I don’t like your friends.”
Then Jeff says, “You can eat the potatoes.”
What do you call a deaf and blind axe murderer?
Helen Killer.
What's an Alzheimer's victim's favorite musical group?
The Who?
On Halloween you better hide your candy, or else there will be a fella named Big Dick Randy.
"Disease" technically means "lack of ease," so if a girl is hard to get, call her a disease.
That's what Elliot Rodger did.
What’s the difference between the way you watch porn and I watch porn?
The windows we look through.
My dog is called Syndrome. He jumps up at me and I shout, "Down, Syndrome! Down, Syndrome!"
Which scary movie did the bear refuse to watch?
The Bear Witch Project.
Q. What's the difference between a Kevlar vest and a CEO?
A. The CEO isn't bulletproof.
If a CEO goes blind, are they just an EO?