Short jokes
A baby seal walked into a club.
What do you call a violent fish?
A smackeral!
Bosses are like seagulls.
They fly in, make a lot of noise, crap all over everything, then fly out.
Me: John, what did he do earlier?
John: Hold on, I’m trying to think.
Me: I thought I smelled poop.
Why do orphans go to church so much?
So they can have someone to call father.
Why does the heart listen to music a lot?
Because it loves feeling the beat.
My friend: "Ya mama so stupid, she sits on the TV and watches the couch!"
Me: "That joke's older than your mom!"
Animal jokes, eh?
Toucan play at that game.
Where did Johnny go after he wandered into a minefield?
Everywhere.
What did Ron put in his diary?
I "Her-mio-ne" after I banged her last night.
Why do lions 🦁 go to SUBWAY 🥪?
Because they like to EAT FLESH.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because North Korea's long-range missiles can't reach that far.
Your nan's bald.
What do you call a Black person going down a waterslide? Sewage.
Why can’t Michael Jackson win a race?
Because he’s always coming in a lil’ behind.
I made a house for orphans and...
they had no clue how to use it.
If a man kills a kid, it's called Murder.
If a woman kills a kid, it's called Reproductive Rights.
I love taking my daughter out in the car. Every time we go over a speed bump, I tell her we ran over another dog. 😂
What did the cancer cell say to its neighbor?
"Mind if I join you?"
I say 1, 2, 3, all the kids bullied me, but now they're not so cool, cuz I shot up the school.