Short jokes
1979: I bet there will be "flying cars" in "the future."
2019: The flying cars future.
The reason he died is that they accidentally flipped the wrong light switch.
Roses are red. Violets are blue. If he's busy on Valentine's Day, the side chick is you.
When your mom says it will all be ok if you just......... *there is blood on the floor*
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a good body these days?
I think Jeffrey Dahmer had the right idea, just put it in the freezer.
It's been 2 years since I've been on this. Hello, guys!
Sneed feed seed.
Formerly Chuck's!
For Stephen Hawking, why is being drunk and having his power shut out the same?
He blacks out.
I've seen more charisma in a wet mop than in BLESSEDBRIAN'S personality.
Straight people ask why gays have such a good fashion sense.
They have to come out of the closet sometime.
Hiiii!
What do you call a cab for black men?
A cop car.
What did the policeman say to his belly button?
You're under a vest.
What do Christians and gays have in common?
They both say, “Oh God” when they get on their knees.
What did the mommy cow say to the baby cow?
It's pasture your bedtime.
Why was Helen Keller so bad at driving?
Because she's a woman.
You’re so short you would need a lift to kiss your bride.
A Russian walked into a bar... unlucky for him, in Soviet Russia, you don’t walk into bars. Bars walk into you.
What does a pedophile call an orphanage?
A supermarket.
What do you call a winter time contact?
A Santa Claus.