Short jokes
Me: Man, I wish my clothes were emo.
Friend: Why?
Me: So they would hang themselves.
When someone calls you, say this: "Hi, welcome to Dave’s Orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may I help you?"
My therapist told me to write angry letters to those that upset me and never send them.
He is really going to hate the letter he never gets.
People tell me to be nice to orphans, so I say, "What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?"
Oxygen and potassium went on a date. I heard it was OK.
Hi 👋! I love 💕 you! Ooooooo!
What does a pregnant teen and an aborted child have in common?
They both say, “My mom's gonna kill me!”
What did Hellen Keller do when she fell in a hole?
She screamed until her hands got tired.
Why can't orphans be gay?
Because they have no one to call daddy.
You know, I like my girls how I like my 9/11: Two twins that go down easy.
Why do orphans not have parents?
Answer: Their parents are yeet dead dead.
They say people are 75% water.
But I'm 100% useless.
"I'm thinking about killing off the main character in this book I'm writing."
"What type of book is it?"
"An autobiography."
What did the magician do as a trick in his show?
Make your doubts about magic... DISAPPEAR!
One thing about disabled people is they never set foot in prison.
when you use ancestry.com instead of tinder.
What do you get when you combine Michael J. Fox and a cow?
A milkshake.
Why did Sally fall out the window?
She was pushed.
Say what you want about Hitler, he wasn't all that bad. After all, he killed Hitler.
Proof that 9/11 isn't a government plot.
It worked.