Short jokes
What did one fish say to the other?
Keep your mouth shut and you'll never get caught.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Dumplin.
Dumplin who?
Dumplin the killer.
What do lesbian vampires say after sex?
"See you next month."
I burned an orphan's hand and then they said, "You will pay for this."
Me: "What are you going to do? Tell your parents?"
How do you make 7 an even number? Take the "s" out!
What’s ten feet long and bald?
The conga line in the cancer ward.
Why did the heart go to jail? Because it had a cardiac arrest.
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My pal asked me why nobody wants to eat the spaghetti he makes in his restaurant.
Well, because it's impastable.
If you get a divorce with your husband, does that still mean you’re siblings?
How many times does 43 go into 8?
Get in the van and find out.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Golly.
Golly who?
Godly leave me alone!
Bro, your head is so big that it shines so bright, it turns into a lightbulb.
What is Stephen Hawking's favourite car?
Rolls Royce.
Girl lol feel dick in mouth on you.
JFK was one of the most open-minded presidents. It really blows my mind how great he was.
What do you call someone with an extra chromosome winning in a pool? Posiedown.
I can hear the whole world booing me.
Why did the fat man miss his flight?
His body weight exceeded the weight limit.
If you jump off a bridge while crying, it's suicide, but if you jump off a bridge while screaming "parkour," it's a failed stunt.