Short jokes
What do you take care of after a car crash?
The witnesses.
I bet for Halloween you were a Goblin. How about you gobble deez nuts?
What do you call an epileptic kid eating fruits?
A blender.
What did the Asian say to the Asian?
*Cough*
How do you cut ancient Rome in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
I had a friend who was a deep sleeper. One day, a fire started in his house. Now he's a really deep sleeper.
Everyone has cracks in them, mine's just in my heart and not my ass.
Q: What did the iceberg say to the Titanic?
A: I'd hit that.
Covid 19 stopped mass shootings faster than the Government.
What’s the difference between a prostitute and a Twinkie?
Nothing. They both squirt their white stuff when you eat it.
Are you a toaster? Because I want to take a bath with you ;)
Did you know the letter "F" in orphan stands for family?
Why was Stephen Hawking's wife mad at him?
She caught him having an affair with his shoulder.
Why did the banana go to the doctor?
Because he wasn't peeling very well!
How do you kill a sheep?
You lamb shank it!
Why can't orphans work at S.C. Johnson?
Because it's a family company...
What is the difference between your girlfriend and your sister?
They're both "sweet home Alabama."
My sister's name is Coco, and one day she was funny, so I told her, "You coconut."
What did the slaves say when they met their soon-to-be masters?
"Aaah, a ghost!"
Why did Helen Keller walk in on someone in the bathroom?
Because she didn’t know it was the bathroom.