Yo momma so fat, her belt size is E for Equator
After an explosion at a French cheese factory... all that was left was De Brie
Q: What's the best part about gardening? A: Getting down and dirty with your hoes.
you're forehead is a 20-mile taxi ride from your eyebrows to your hairline.
I told my friend yesterday he's literally my dad.
He didn't show up for the rest of the year.
I was going to tell a joke about emos in the sea but it’s dead in the water
There is an upside to being an orphan. Every bag of chips is family size.
“Would you like to play the rape game?” “No wtf” She replied “Thats the spirit!”
Why was I stress eating on the train track?
To wait to get hit.
What do you call a chair that smokes weed?
A high chair
If you are supposed to learn from your mistakes, why do some people have more than one child.
Yo Forehead is so big. .the photo on yo Driver's License says "to be continued on the back"
If I was a party, then anxiety must be the cousin depression felt obligated to bring to the party and insomnia the little annoying sibling.
Why is Santa's sack so big?
He only comes once a year
A feminist asked me how I view lesbian relationships. Apparently "in HD" wasn't a good answer.
When you accidentally turn in your suicide note instead of your essay to the teacher, but she still gives you an A
It's been raining for days. My wife is totally depressed. She keeps looking through the window. If this keeps up, I'll have to let her in.
I was in the corner shop and the Indian woman was sporting a red dot on her forehead, I scratched it off and won a fucking ford focus!
I keep getting these letters from this little girl every year on fathers day. I told the orphanage to stop letting her send these.
I have a joke about time travel, but I'm not gonna share it. You guys didn't like it.
