Short jokes

You look like the 0.01 percent of germs the Lysol didn't kill.

What's in a man's mouth when he realizes he's gay?

A dick.

Can two high-femme lesbians go on a date with each other?

Yes, but it will take them forever to get ready.

What's brown and sticky?

A stick. Get your head out of the gutters... Jeez!

What do you call a party planned by Bill Cosby and Jeffrey Epstein?

A high school pill party.

An e-girl went to go high five a tree, but the tree left her hanging.

What's something a depressed person can do that a regular person can't?

The depressed person can scan themself.

KFC doesn't mean Kentucky Fried Chicken, it means "Kill Fat Children."

What’s the difference between a child and someone who has been kidnapped?

One of them is a domesticated pet.

I went to school with a gay guy who was really smart, but he always got mad that he got straight A's instead of getting all the D's.

Why do orphans not care about sleep? Because they have no one to wake up to.

You're so fat, when people see you running, they can't help but yell out, "Keep running!"

Your momma's so fat, when I went to suck her titties, I got a mouth full of knee.

Nearly 40% of the world have been in a relationship; the 60% are worstjokesever.com users.

I went to self-checkout at a store and I scanned my products, but the scanner wouldn't scan the barcode on my arm.

Some of the most convincing people you'll ever listen to are born liars; usually they're called politicians.

What's the difference between a coat hanger and an emo?

Nothing, they both hang.

I told an orphan to never stop talking until their parents come home.

Now I can’t get it to shut up.

Why are astronauts forgetful?

They're always spacing out.

My wife and I just decided we don't want to have children.

So if anyone wants them, our contact information is below.