Short jokes
Why did the zookeeper lose his job? For choking the chicken and spanking the monkey!
What’s the similarity between your uncle and your hands?
They can both do dirty things.
Whoever killed Adolf Hitler is MY hero!
What does food and dark humour have in common?
Not everybody gets it.
Where do bunnies go when they're sick?
The hoppital.
We don't read backwards.
I wasn't close to my father when he died. Which is lucky because he stepped on a landmine.
Dad joke time:
What do you call a cow in an earthquake?
A milkshake.
Ever heard of iLadies? I laid deez nutz on yo' face!
I gave a deaf kid air pods for his birthday.
Q. If I go 1 on 1 with Harvey Weinstein, I won't get raped?
A. I'm not a 14-year-old girl.
What did Michael Jackson say to the little boy?
"Shhhhhhh, this might hurt a little."
When does a joke become a dad joke? When it goes to get the milk yet never comes back.
Miss you dad.
What is harder than steel?
Michael Jackson on a primary school oval. 😂
Why don’t Asians use phones?
Cuz they wing da wrong number!!!
What does a noisy chilli do?
It gets jalapeno business.
Six was scared of seven because 7 8 9, so why was 10 scared? Because he was caught between 9/11.
The people in the Democratic Party are how I like my coffee.
Black and bitter.
A shop assistant is helping a little boy find his mum.
"What's she like?" he asked the boy.
"BIG COCKS AND VODKA!" said the boy.
What's the difference between my mum and my dad?
My mum stayed.