Short jokes
Why don’t Asians use phones?
Cuz they wing da wrong number!!!
When does a joke become a dad joke? When it goes to get the milk yet never comes back.
Miss you dad.
The people in the Democratic Party are how I like my coffee.
Black and bitter.
A shop assistant is helping a little boy find his mum.
"What's she like?" he asked the boy.
"BIG COCKS AND VODKA!" said the boy.
How did the retard get hurt raking the leaves?
Fell out of the tree.
What did Michael Jackson say to the little boy?
"Shhhhhhh, this might hurt a little."
Fun fact: The body positivity movement is the only movement without any actual movement.
What's the difference between my mum and my dad?
My mum stayed.
What is the difference between a school bully and a feminist?
The school bully does not hide behind their computer screen.
How many dead prostitutes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
More than three because the basement is still dark!
What turns a girl on more than having sex with her?
When she finds out that you have a vibrator too.
There is a kid in my class who is allergic to peanuts. He says he's gay. He can't be though... he's allergic to nuts!
The Annoying Orange called Donald Trump a copycat.
Why was the homeless lady only wearing one sock?
She started her period.
Mary's mother was a good person. Why did she die?
Because she got stabbed in the heart 60 times by a switchblade.
What's a pedophile's favorite holiday?
Halloween. Free delivery!
What do sexists and WNBA fans have in common?
There's enough of them to acknowledge their existence.
(Just a joke, no offense.)
What's the difference between anal rape and a microwave?
A microwave won't brown your meat.
RIP Stephen Hawking who was buried today... he did always love black holes.
What do pedophiles and Sandy Hook have in common?
Shooting up schoolchildren.