Short jokes
Mom told me to get more in touch with my feminine side. So, I crashed the car.
What kind of birds stick together?
Vel-crows.
I did a knock knock joke to an orphan. I said, "Knock knock." He said, "Who is there?" And I said, "Not your parents."
Today was a bittersweet day...
Bad news is my friend was assaulted. Good news is I successfully sneak attacked someone!
What Spider-Man movie does an orphan like? Homecoming.
What's a mentally retarded person's favorite color? Clear.
Can I put deez nuts in yo cluts?
How did the burglar get into my house?
Intruder window.
Doctor: Do you want the good news or the bad news first?
Patient: Good news!
Doctor: We are naming a disease after you.
What's a book never written? Beautiful sights by a mountain, by a rocky hill!
Q: How do basketball players stay cool during a game?
A: They stand near the fans! 🏀🏀😆😆
"Have a nice day" and "enjoy the next 24 hours" mean the same thing, but one sounds like a threat.
What did one butthole say to the other?
"I don't know WHAT got into me last night!"
Sister: I don't want to do it, but...
Me: No more butts! Butts are too yuck to be in this sentence.
A French Sans would greet you with the "o bone-jour".
What fits neatly into a hole, slides nicely between breasts, and if used wrong could choke someone? A seatbelt.
I like my women the way I like my sandwiches... A little meat between their buns.
Me: Hey, that's a really heavy bag, do you have a lot of books and magazines in there?
The Quiet Kid: Yeah, magazines.....
What is a cannibal's favorite type of pizza?
Domi-nose.
What do Time Clocks like to play?
Tick Tack Toe.