Short jokes
Dad joke time:
What do you call a cow in an earthquake?
A milkshake.
Every time I tell a 911 joke, it bombs.
Ever heard of iLadies? I laid deez nutz on yo' face!
The people in the Democratic Party are how I like my coffee.
Black and bitter.
What is harder than steel?
Michael Jackson on a primary school oval. 😂
What's the difference between my mum and my dad?
My mum stayed.
Fun fact: The body positivity movement is the only movement without any actual movement.
Why did the brother cross the road? Because the sister farted.
What hit the ground first, the feather or the depressed kid?
The feather, the rope was stopping the kid.
Never break someone's heart, they only have one. Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them.
How to make time fly?
Answer: Throw a clock out of the window.
Cashier: "Will you want the milk in a bag today, sir?"
Customer: "I’ll just keep it in the carton if you don’t mind."
Why did the car key never fit in?
He was too door key.
Why was Timmy the only happy person in his family?
Timmy is dead.
Whoever killed Adolf Hitler is MY hero!
What does food and dark humour have in common?
Not everybody gets it.
Do you know why you should never let a blonde handle grenades?
They'll end up only throwing the pin.
Why did the zookeeper lose his job? For choking the chicken and spanking the monkey!
What’s the similarity between your uncle and your hands?
They can both do dirty things.
What did the sand say when it got into a fight with the ocean?
"Oh my God, you're such a beach!"