Short jokes
I got a phone call from a guy labeled "assassin" saying my life will end soon. I seriously doubt that he w- *gunshot*
What is an orphan's family tree?
A stump.
The worst thing about an owl is how they can maintain eye contact when you put them in a microwave.
Why did Peter Parker take Gwen Stacy to an orthopedist?
Because her neck was killing her.
Where does the Batman go to pee?
The Batroom.
Why do kids like Michael Jackson so much?
Because he's made out of plastic, and that's what toys are made out of! 😂
By the law, you are not allowed to have a sick bird. That's ill-eagle.
What makes a depressed kid happy? ..... A bridge.
I was hunting at night for deer, and then I found one and shot it. I realized the deer I shot was actually my ex...
I got a roommate. He killed a butterfly, and I said no butter for a week. The next day, he killed a cockroach. Son of a bitch, nice try.
I asked my friend if they will show me something retarded. He said, "Go look in a mirror." I said, "Thank you."
What does an orphan get for Christmas? Hypothermia.
What did the lady say to Michael Jackson on the beach?
"Excuse me sir, but you're in my sun."
What did the Asian people name their retarded son?
Sum Ting Wong.
What is a self-harm person's favorite game?
Fruit Ninja.
A Mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of 3. He says, "uno, dos..." *poof* ... He disappeared without a tres.
Him: What's the difference between Incestry.com and Ancestry.com?
Her: What?
Him: Nothing, either way you will be dating your cousin.
I respect anyone who devotes their life to charity work.
But I think Paul Walker went a step too far.
Even if there was no gravity, I'd still fall for you.
NWA: Straight Outta Compton.
Kobe Bryant: Straight Outta the Helicopter.