Short jokes
If you've spent less time inside your mother than your father has, you just might be from Alabama!
Daveon...
If you were a vegetable, you would be a cute-cumber.
I walk in from work to find my wife dead on the sofa.
As I unzip for one last ride, she says, "BOO!" What kind of sick fuck does that?
Why did the rapper become a gardener?
Because he wanted to drop some FRESH SEEDS.
A married woman asked her husband if he saw the future. The husband answered her, "I have no eye, dear."
True fact: School shooters aren’t dangerous to you if you're the school shooter.
I caught a cold, Mary Earp caught the ball, what did the towers catch? The plane.
What happened when the gun dealer found his pistol in his shoe?
He found that he had a piece in his sole!
How can you tell that a woman is asking for sex? Wait for her to drop a bomb on you.
What does a Hufflepuff wolf say? “I will huffle and puff, and blow your house down!”
That is related to Harry Potter 🧙🏼♂️.
One time, a man got mad at me because I was hitting on his girlfriend. Like come on, man, it was only a couple of bruises!
Why does the large dildo not have any friends?
He's a pain in the ass.
Feed the hungry with the hungry. It solves world hunger and overpopulation at once!
Stop with the 9/11 jokes, people. They're just not gonna fly.
Chris Hemsworth is Australian, and Thor is from space. Does that make him an Australien?
I bet for Halloween you were a Goblin. How about you gobble deez nuts?
What are chocolate's preferred gender pronouns?
Her-she.
Your mama's so fat, she needed NASA to make her ID card!
(1968) - Hellen Keller died, didn’t you hear?
No?
Well neither did she.