Short jokes
"Have a nice day" and "enjoy the next 24 hours" mean the same thing, but one sounds like a threat.
Pain. Gained. Anxiety. Fulfilled. Insomnia. Depression. Always with me. Happiness... The one thing I can't have.
Titanic walks into a bar. Britannic: "What would you like to drink?" Titanic: "An iceberg."
When you're going 80 km in a school zone and one of the speed bumps screams.
Doctor: Do you want the good news or the bad news first?
Patient: Good news!
Doctor: We are naming a disease after you.
What's a book never written? Beautiful sights by a mountain, by a rocky hill!
Q: How do basketball players stay cool during a game?
A: They stand near the fans! 🏀🏀😆😆
What is a cannibal's favorite type of pizza?
Domi-nose.
What are the wedding vows of a suicide bomber?
Til death do we park.
When I see your face, there's one thing I want to change.
The direction I'm looking.
Why did the Titanic sink? Because your mom was on it.
What's the difference between the righteous and a sinner?
You decide.
Stop hating on pedophiles. At least they're good babysitters.
I donated a computer to the orphanage...
It didn’t have a motherboard.
Me: I have depression.
Someone: You should get out more! Go outside!
Me: *goes to the beach* Now it's a tropical depression.
Why can't orphans be gay? Because then they would be home-osexual.
Life lesson guys:
Remember, being healthy is basically dying as slowly as possible.
Q: How do you blind a woman?
A: You put a windshield in front of her.
Girl: Hey.
Orphan: Hi.
Girl: Wanna be friends?
Orphan: Sure.
Girl: Ok, and go ask your parents if we can have a sleep over.
big booty latinas.