Short jokes
I look at my girlfriend’s ass like a homeless man looks at a trash can.
Like it’s my next meal.
Did you know that the F in orphan means family?
There's no F in orphan?
Exactly.
What was the first sport played on the moon?
Capture the flag.
What did the pencil say to the sharpener? Please grind me!
If you drive a Lamborghini, then you have a tiny weenie.
If your daily is a Chevy, then your mom is super heavy.
My grandma used to beat the hell out of me for coming home late. Guess who's late now?
I joined an emo class today. The first lesson I learned was slice and dice and let it flow.
Why do we never make adult jokes in front of orphans?
Because the joke needs parental guidance.
What did Dom Toretto say about the tree Paul Walker hit?
"Family strong, but not that strong."
Why isn't the Moon Emo anymore?
Turns out it was just a phase.
I’d like to take you to the movies, but unfortunately, they don’t let you bring your own snacks.
Dad: Ok son, if you fail this test, you're no longer my child, ok?
Son: Ok dad.
AFTER TEST
Dad: Hey son, how'd the test go?
Son: Son?
Q: Why did the trans man only eat salads?
A: Because he is a "herbefore."
Every time someone calls me fat, I get so depressed I cut myself... a piece of cake.
Don't do suicide, that shit kills.
Roses are red, flowers are pretty, I heard your mom has a nice pair of titties.
What is the last thing you wanna see during a prostate exam?
The doctor taking off his watch.
What's the difference between Derek Boogaard and Kurt Cobain? Nothing, they were both fucked in the brain when they died.
If you run next to a car, you get tired, but if you run behind it, you get exhausted.
I'll be here all week... sadly enough for you.