Short jokes

Officer, I drop-kicked that child in self-defense!

You gotta believe me!

Me- *crying in the shower*

Also me- *why is my toaster in here?*

Me: "Oh man, things are really happening for me! I have so much to do!"

Depression: "Lie in bed."

I wish I was a dinosaur because all of them are dead.

Are your hairline and forehead old friends, because they go way back?

if priests were on Twitter, they would tweet, "He's a 10 but he's 10."

What kind of birds stick together?

Vel-crows.

What do you call it when you rickroll someone in the LGBTQ?

You just got fruit-rolled.

Don’t challenge Death to a pillow fight. Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushions.

Why do the orphans love going to the bakery down the street so much? Because their cookies are homemade.

One thing is for sure, the victims from 9/11 died warm.

What do you call a woman who aborted her quadruplets? A graveyard.

If it’s called the “living room,” why did my grandma die there?

How do you keep a blind kid busy? Give him sandpaper and tell him it's a find-a-word. 😂🤣

What's wrong with airline food...! They're not black, and they're not people. hahahahahahhahahahahahhahahahhahahahXD!!!!!!!!! You're welcome?

What do Time Clocks like to play?

Tick Tack Toe.

Where would an astronaut park his spaceship? A parking meteor.

Why did the depressed kid jump off the bike? It was free depressed day.

What does an orphan and a banana have in common? They both get split up.

Did you know there was a record for the quickest time to finish a story? The day it was set was 9/11. 99 stories in .4 seconds.