Short jokes

I like my women the way I like my sandwiches... A little meat between their buns.

I did a knock knock joke to an orphan. I said, "Knock knock." He said, "Who is there?" And I said, "Not your parents."

Did you know there was a record for the quickest time to finish a story? The day it was set was 9/11. 99 stories in .4 seconds.

Me: I'm home, ma! Here's her with a new dad. Her: Go hang with someone. Me: Gets the noose, goes to fav tree. I love you, ma. 🙂

I suffered The Great Depression.

If I smiled one centimeter each time I watched someone I hated die, I'd look like the Cheshire Cat.

What does a bouncy airplane sound like?

Boeing Boeing Boeing...

What makes a nuke and divorce the same?

It only takes one of each to end your life.

If I told you, you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?

Can I put deez nuts in yo cluts?

Sister: I don't want to do it, but...

Me: No more butts! Butts are too yuck to be in this sentence.

A French Sans would greet you with the "o bone-jour".

I gave Caillou bleach, now he is paler than ever. >:)

Why can’t orphans go on school field trips?

Parent Signature: _______

Your mother is so fat, she broke the stairway to heaven when she died. jaja ur momma dead.

Top tip; if your wife asks, "What would you like to do to my body?" 'Identify it' is the wrong answer.

Famous last words of my uncle, (a bomb disposal expert): "yes, the red wire."

Why do Swedish warships have barcodes on them?

So that when they return to port, they can Scandinavian.

What did the female rapist say at her hearing?

"Well that boy's dick was inside me and you know what you metoo people say, 'my body my choice.'"

Q: How do you blind a woman?

A: You put a windshield in front of her.