Short jokes
You have to have real balls to face prostate cancer.
Just not for long!
I suffered The Great Depression.
Me: You stupid. Guy: You straight. Me: Sorry, I'm not a mirror.
"Lizzie Borden took an axe. And gave her mother forty whacks. When she saw what she had done, She gave her father forty-one."
Uranus is larger than Neptune, but Neptune is more massive/heavier. (Fact not joke, also Neptune, don't kill me!)
Sister: I don't want to do it, but...
Me: No more butts! Butts are too yuck to be in this sentence.
Anybody know a girl named Candice? She just added me on snap.
What Spider-Man movie does an orphan like? Homecoming.
What's a mentally retarded person's favorite color? Clear.
How did the burglar get into my house?
Intruder window.
More expresso, less depresso. Jk, let's all drink bleach cuz life is a bitch.
What did one butthole say to the other?
"I don't know WHAT got into me last night!"
"Have a nice day" and "enjoy the next 24 hours" mean the same thing, but one sounds like a threat.
Pain. Gained. Anxiety. Fulfilled. Insomnia. Depression. Always with me. Happiness... The one thing I can't have.
Titanic walks into a bar. Britannic: "What would you like to drink?" Titanic: "An iceberg."
When you're going 80 km in a school zone and one of the speed bumps screams.
Doctor: Do you want the good news or the bad news first?
Patient: Good news!
Doctor: We are naming a disease after you.
What's a book never written? Beautiful sights by a mountain, by a rocky hill!
Q: How do basketball players stay cool during a game?
A: They stand near the fans! šššš
What is a cannibal's favorite type of pizza?
Domi-nose.