Short jokes
Why do more women than men oppose abortion? Because they prefer not to get raped.
What did one buttcheek say to the other buttcheek?
"Keep this shit between you and me."
What do cats eat for breakfast?
"Mice Krispies!"
When you're walking through the garden section at Walmart and you hear your grandpa screaming, "They're in the fucking trees!"
If olive oil is made of olives, then baby oil is made of...
Mom: Daddy, stop!
Me: No!
Mom: Ok, I just wanted you to do it like your father.
Me: Cobain!
Friend: No, dude, it's Kobe.
Me: Why? Cobain didn't miss his last shot.
Why can't two Asians make a white baby?
Because two wongs don't make a white.
What did Santa Claus bring Michael Jackson for Christmas? His elves! 😂😂😂
How are wet clothes and a depressed person alike? One gets hung up to dry, the other gets hung up to die.
What's the difference between a PC and a 6 year old? I don't have to clean out my PC.
"I had raped the game young, you can call it statutory." - Kanye West in 2009 (Forever with Drake, Eminem, and Lil Wayne)
A cannibal went to the dietitian, and he got told to eat more vegetables, so he ate a disabled person.
I asked what LGBTQ stands for, and I couldn’t get a straight answer.
What is a blind person's favorite color?
Black.
So, I text my girlfriend and told her I wanted to get inside her. Can you believe she replied: "Not again brother, I'm only 8."
What’s a teacher's favorite tree?
A geometry.
What did one brick say to the other? Never LEGO.
How to kill a blond: put a scratch & sniff in a pool.
My friend asks for a turkey burger on 4th of July. I say, "That's Thanksgiving, man!"