Short jokes

How do you know when your girlfriend is too young?

You have to make airplane noises to get her to open her mouth.

Sorry.

Sunday. Monday. Tuesday. What the fuck? Saturday.

Why can't orphans be gay?

They don't have a closet to come out of.

Your spelling is more morbid than any of these jokes.

My sisters ask me, "Are you really a virgin?" I say, "That's nun of your business!"

An Irish guy walks out of a bar....

I wish I didn't have depression because all my friends have "BBC Bitch be crazy" disease.

Does your shoe have a hole in it?

No.

Then how did you put your foot in it?

Here's how to piss off all of North America.

All the United States is, is South Canadia.

Why did Cinderella get kicked off the soccer team? Because she ran away from the ball.

I walked up to a man, and he said, "How's the weather up there?" and then I pushed him into the street to get hit by a bus.

I was trying to poison Santa, but he killed my dad and ate all the cookies! 😤

Where do sick boats go? The dock!

I will never forget my girlfriend's last words... "Get off of me! STOP!" *slurp*... Dead.

I'll always remember my Dad's last words before he died on 9/11...

Allahu Akbar!

I'm a rapist.

What is the hardest part of twerking?

Being black.

I wonder if the sun is going to rise every morning. Then it dawns on me.

There's two types of emo people:

1. People that cut side to side.

2. And people that cut up and down.

The most efficient is up and down.

Roses are blood red, violets are twilight-hued; your blood was delectable, and so was the rest of you.