Short jokes
I sat on a chair.
I wish the doctor would prescribe me some medicine that's actually useful, like cyanide.
Teacher: "Okay, so how are you going?"
Student: "I'm not going."
Teacher: "Oh, so you're a wheelchair person?"
Q: What's a ship's least favorite food? A: Iceburg-ers
"Jesus can turn water into wine, but I can turn your mother into mine."
- Sun Tzu, *The Art of Creating War*
I am awesome, look at me!
Why can't orphans be kidnapped?
Because most kidnappers use a family van.
Why does Stephen Hawking need some screens?
He needs to win those Fortnite tournaments and get to Champions League.
Why are a majority of rape allegations false?
Because whores like to cry wolf.
What do you call a burned Mexican? A fried torteya.
My girlfriend told me that she wonders what our kids will look like.
No, they will be wondering what I look like.
What sound do you get when you cross a cow with a cat?
Meow.
Hey, why did you copy me, you dumb-ass prince?
How do you call a very long terrorist?
9/11.
I will unplug your life support to kill my mum and then give her blood so she can bleed more.
Why does your mom hate you?
Because you are a loser.
Did you know one of the singers of YMCA had AIDS? Y-M-C-AIDS.
What has 2 legs and loves to play with little kids? The local priest.
What did the hecadrocophodecadus say to the hopetihopetifuckendecker?
"It didn't happen, but it should have."
Trump cut funding for Sesame Street.
I think he's jealous that the characters on Sesame Street can count to 10.