Short jokes
What makes a 360 no-scope and JFK's assassination similar?
Both were some of the greatest achievements in history to achieve.
"How would you describe yourself in three words?"
"Lazy!"
A dad tells his son, "Stop masturbating! If you do it too long, you will go blind."
The son replied, "Dad, I'm over here!"
I saw a monkey outside of school and said, "Look, a monkey!" I got expelled the next day.
You know that at Walmart they have backpacks next to the guns? Well, I thought that it was nice to see the bags next to the school supplies.
An Asian went to bed at 9:00, woke up at 6. People say he's still sleeping.
There are only 2 genders: if you have a dick, or a pussy.
Does Eminem like M\&M's? Cause if he didn't, that would be like "they're" not liking "there."
What's the difference between 911 and a Mexican gardener?
One of them is an outside job.
What do you say to a depressed special kid?
“Why so down?”
What is the best game for a deaf person?
Charades.
What does a woman and a hurricane have in common?
They’re nice and wet at first, but in the end they take everything.
If I was any more inbred, I'd be a sandwich.
What’s the difference between Jeffrey Dahmer and a priest?
They both like lil' boys.
What does Michael Jackson and Chef from South Park have in common?
They both say "Hello children!"
What's the quickest way to get money besides winning the lottery?
Leaving your son with Michael Jackson.
What was Michael Jackson's favorite word to say to parents and tabloids? "Leave me alone."
What did Michael Jackson say before he died, as far as his childhood? "This is it."
What is Michael Jackson's favorite drink? Tea-hee-hee!
Oh, Lois, that was more scary than Michael Jackson without pants in front of a kid!