Short jokes
Confucius says, "Man who walks through airport door sideways with erection, is going to Bangkok."
What do you call a musician 👩🎤 who drinks soda and sings 🎤 at the same time?
A popsinger.
When is a car not a car? When it turns into a driveway. 🥁
How much does it cost a pirate to pierce his ears?
A buccaneer.
What’s the worst thing about having a daughter with cancer?
You can’t pull on her hair when you’re raping her.
How do you turn a baby into a dog?
Douse it in gasoline, light a match, *WOOF*!
What’s a sheep’s favorite fruit?
A baaaaaaaanaaaaaana!
A block of gold walked into a bar. The bartender said, “AU, get out!”
What's the best thing about a blowjob?
- The silence.
Why did the one-handed man cross the road?
To get to the second-hand store!
What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?
Hit your wife harder.
I hate snow. It's white and on my land.
How do you make a pink Smurf?
You peel the skin off.
What do Logan Paul, KSI, and the Japanese suicide victim have in common?
Tying.
Me: (pointing up in the air) "Everybody listen up, this is a robbery!"
Girl: "Dude, this is a library."
Me: "Oh." (screwing on a silencer)
Why don't dinosaurs lay eggs?
Because they're EGGstinct!
How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period?
She can taste the blood off her son’s cock!
Don't tell a Titanic joke, or you'll sink to a whole new low.
Why did the lion always lose at poker?
He was playing with a bunch of cheetahs.
Why did Bob fall off the swing while playing? Because he had no arms.
Knock, knock. Who's there?
Not Bob.