Short jokes
If I'm ugly, at least I'm not you.
What do you call a broken pencil? Never mind, it's pointless!
What do you call a skunk falling from the sky?
A stink bomb!
What do you call a cup with a handle?
A mug! HAHA ha... My parents just got a divorce :(
What's blue and doesn't weigh much?
Light blue.
Why is America bad at chess? We already lost two towers.
Bad cows, bad cows, whatcha gonna moo?!
Girlfriends are just like AK47s; they always go off on you.
What did the racist serial killer say to the cop?
“Wait, you’re getting paid?”
A mouse is just like a ball bearing.
Drench them in oil, and they stop squeaking.
Why did the vegetable cross the road? He didn't, he just sat there.
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but there will always be something that offends feminists.
What did the salad say to pineapple?
"Lettuce be friends."
Yo mama is so fat, she sat on a quarter and popped a booger out of George Washington's nose.
How many cancer patients does it take to change a lightbulb? 10, 1 to change the lightbulb, 9 to talk about how inspired they are?
What do you call pedophiles on a beach? Pedos in Speedos.
What's the difference between cake and pie?
πr2, cakes are round.
Me: (pointing up in the air) "Everybody listen up, this is a robbery!"
Girl: "Dude, this is a library."
Me: "Oh." (screwing on a silencer)
To my best friend, my brother is like a spider. She chose to kill him straight away. That's why she is my friend, after all!
Don't tell a Titanic joke, or you'll sink to a whole new low.