Short jokes
I love vegans because they save more meat for us.
What do sped gymnasts wear?
A Reotard.
I tried to high-five a tree. It left me hanging.
I decided to take my mother-in-law out the other day. I love being a hitman.
What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn't matter what you call him, he's not coming.
A Chinese man and an Indian man are in a car. Who’s driving?
The driving instructor.
Q. What do you get when you blindfold a racist?
A. A Notsee.
If an Indian kid is conceived in incest, would that make them OMbred?
Q. What does Michael Jackson get his sex partners as a gift?
A. Crayons.
Q. What do you call a person with Alzheimer's?
It doesn't matter. They'll forget what you said in thirty seconds anyway.
What's the difference between Al Qaeda and Ms. Frizzle? One flew a plane into the Twin Towers; one flew a bus into the school.
I love the smell of my F5 key. It's very refreshing.
Me: My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday, and I had her wheelchair.
Me: Guess who came crawling right back?
I'm sorry for all the fish puns. I feel so GILL-ty.
Somebody told me a chemistry joke. I thought it was sodium funny, I slapped my neon that one.
What is the most dangerous mountain? Kilimanjaro.
Last time I talked to my girlfriend, she was yelling at me to put the hammer down.
Why was Michael Jackson kicked out of boy scouts? He was up to a pack a day!
When a clock goes forward, it's tic-tac, but when Rommel goes backwards, it's tactic!
What’s green and orange and sits at the bottom of the swimming pool?
A baby with burst armbands.