Short jokes
What’s a hairdresser’s favorite roast? Flat iron roast.
A girl named Sally has no arms.
"KNOCK KNOCK"
She never answered...
I walked into the party and the host asked me if I would like a slice of pie.
I responded "yes," and he said: "okay, 14159."
[god creating alligators]
God: See that log?
Angel: Yes...?
God: Now fill it with teeth.
Angel: Say again?
God: FILL IT WITH TEETH!
Why did the computer go to the doctor?
Because it had a virus.
If there is a divorce in West Virginia, are they still brother and sister?
My syndrome may be down, but my hopes are up.
Where do fish keep their money?
In a riverbank!
Why did the skunk 🦨 sleep 💤 under a car?
Because he wanted to wake up oily.
What do ghosts put on their bagels 🥯?
Scream cheese.
I said to my pregnant wife, "Push, darling, come on, push harder, dear!" No, she wasn't giving birth; the bloody car would not start.
How do you make a builder cry?
Kill his family.
My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with pasta. -- I'm doing well, but I do get cannelloni.
Why is the B so cool? Because it’s in between A and C.
If her age is on the clock, she gets the cock.
What is the world's greatest invention? The ball gag, do you know why? Honestly, officer, I never heard her say no.
How do you know a hippie is on her period?
Her socks are missing.
How do you know she's off?
Her socks are tye-dye.
I found Nemo.
He was tasty.
I slept like a log last night... woke up in the fireplace.
What's the only thing Mexicans can unwrap on Christmas? Tamales.