Short jokes
What’s the worst thing about having a daughter with cancer?
You can’t pull on her hair when you’re raping her.
Why did the one-handed man cross the road?
To get to the second-hand store!
What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?
Hit your wife harder.
I hate snow. It's white and on my land.
How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period?
She can taste the blood off her son’s cock!
How do you make a pink Smurf?
You peel the skin off.
What do Logan Paul, KSI, and the Japanese suicide victim have in common?
Tying.
Me: (pointing up in the air) "Everybody listen up, this is a robbery!"
Girl: "Dude, this is a library."
Me: "Oh." (screwing on a silencer)
Why don't dinosaurs lay eggs?
Because they're EGGstinct!
Why did the lion always lose at poker?
He was playing with a bunch of cheetahs.
Why did Bob fall off the swing while playing? Because he had no arms.
Knock, knock. Who's there?
Not Bob.
Q: How do you make a pool table laugh?
A: Tickle its balls.
Why was the boy crying?
He had a frog stapled to his face.
An old lady walks into an adoption center, and the lady that runs the business says, "Oh, haven’t seen you in a long time!"
People told Kobe to fly high. Look what happened.
Why can’t you kidnap an orphan?
Because you can’t steal what was never wanted in the first place.
What do cigarettes and hamsters have in common?
They can both be dangerous when you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire.
My old platoon sergeant always told me the hardest thing when walking through a field of dead babies was... his cock.
What do you call a woman with three boobs? Tres leches.
This one kid I knew had Down syndrome, and he turned a mirror upside down trying to get rid of it.