Short jokes
Confucius say, female pilot who fly upside down have crack up.
He turns, he shoots!
And that is a horrible end to the Grand National...
What do you get when I get mixed with coffee?
De-presso.
Two priests walk into a store, and cops come up to them and say they’re looking for a child molester, and the priests both say, "I’ll do it!"
What's worse than ants in your pants?
Your uncle.
I couldn't imagine being Abe Lincoln, that would be mind-blowing!
What do you call a serial killer that only kills fat people?
A mass murderer.
What's the difference between sex and mental illness?
Most of Reddit has experienced mental illness.
Did you hear about the dyslexic American police officer?
He shot a Ginger.
How do you tell whether you’ve satisfied a redhead?
She unlocks the handcuffs.
What did the trans woman say after finally telling her parents about her surgeries?
“It felt really good to get that off my chest.”
My dog is called Syndrome. He jumps up at me and I shout, "Down, Syndrome! Down, Syndrome!"
I told my therapist I feel suicidal. He charged me in advance.
I told my teacher, "I’m failing life." She said, "That’s not on the syllabus."
What’s the best part about stage four cancer?
There’s no stage five.
Why are there more female history teachers than male?
Because women like to bring up the past.
What's the difference between a joke and the Twin Towers? People don't laugh at my jokes.
What should you do if the dishwasher breaks?
Kick her.
How do you know you broke into a gay man’s house?
They only have a back door.
What's the difference between a priest and a rabbi? A rabbi cuts it off, a priest sucks it off.