Short jokes
Where do fish keep their money?
In a riverbank!
Why did the skunk 🦨 sleep 💤 under a car?
Because he wanted to wake up oily.
What do ghosts put on their bagels 🥯?
Scream cheese.
I said to my pregnant wife, "Push, darling, come on, push harder, dear!" No, she wasn't giving birth; the bloody car would not start.
My principal called my mom at school and said, "You should teach your son well." After coming back home, at first she taught me sex!
How do you make a builder cry?
Kill his family.
My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with pasta. -- I'm doing well, but I do get cannelloni.
Why is the B so cool? Because it’s in between A and C.
If her age is on the clock, she gets the cock.
How do you know a hippie is on her period?
Her socks are missing.
How do you know she's off?
Her socks are tye-dye.
I found Nemo.
He was tasty.
I slept like a log last night... woke up in the fireplace.
What's the only thing Mexicans can unwrap on Christmas? Tamales.
Crucifixion was the first T-pose.
What's Pee-Wee Herman's favorite Michael Jackson song?
Beat It.
A wise man once told me: "If you poke the bear in prison, the bear will happily return the favor when it's time to shower."
How many orphans does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, they don't even got a home.
What is the difference between Betty White and Paul Walker?
Betty didn’t reach 100 before she died.
The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him with my gun. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.
Imagine Africans during a solar eclipse...