Short jokes
My sister said that you know that "that" is really cool. Then I said, "You know you can shut up."
Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
A. Ask your mother.
What games would deaf people not be good at?
Simon says and Musical chairs.
My teacher asked everyone how tall their grandparents were. I responded, "My grandpa is 5ft 10, and my grandma is -6ft."
Me: Would you like to be the sun in my life?
Her: Awww... Yes!!!
Me: Good, then stay 92.96 million miles away from me.
My ex was an orphan as a child.
I should have taken that as the first sign.
If her parents didn't want her, why would I?
A guy stole my car last night. Before dialing 911 I thought, "Fuck it. Let him explain the dead bodies in the trunk."
Your hairline's so bent, it goes west, east, north, and south!
What is long that Paul Walker can fit into his mouth? A long black tree.
Q. What does Kenny get when he hugs his mom?
A. A boner.
Yo mama's so fat, when she skips a meal, the stock market drops.
Yo mama is so fat, her car has stretch marks.
Poor kids in American schools, they want books, but all they get are magazines.
Why is it so difficult to watch hentai?
They moan louder than your speakers.
Why is a gun like a box of chocolates?
If you pull one out in class, everyone wants to be your friend.
Why does dark humor love orphans? Because the humor killed their parents.
Your mom is like a penny: two-faced, flat, and always in someone's pants.
Go drop-kick an orphan. No one will know, not like his parents would know.
When you're a terrorist and you have a stutter.
A a a a a a a a ala ala ala ala ala alaog alaogbar.
Did you know ghosts are alcoholics?
They only come out for the boos.