Short jokes
What does a freshly pregnant teen and her baby share?
They both think, "Mom's probably going to kill me."
When the school shooter says, "Everybody get down!" and the autistic kid thinks it's Simon Says: 🙋♂️🙋♂️🙋♂️
Question: What happened to the depressed kid who tried to high five a tree?
Answer: He was left hanging.
Confucius say, female pilot who fly upside down have crack up.
He turns, he shoots!
And that is a horrible end to the Grand National...
John F. Kennedy: "Are you a bullet? Because I can't get you out of my head."
A woman just went through labor. She asked the doctor, "Was it a healthy delivery?" The doctor replies, "It wasn't delivery, it's DiGiorno."
What do you call the worst joke ever?
Well, according to my mom, I am.
Mother Nature deserves a traffic ticket.
Summer is speeding by way too fast. 🤣🤣🤣
What do you get when I get mixed with coffee?
De-presso.
What's yellow and can't swim?
A bus full of kids.
My sister gives her hamster to my brother since she thinks I'm irresponsible, so I throw it out the window.
Why do shepherds never learn to count?
Because if they did, they would always be falling asleep.
Feel my shirt...it's boyfriend material.
Why did piglet go to the bathroom?
To search for Poo.
What's a pirate's favorite key on the keyboard?
Others: R.
Rrrr, you would think so, but it be the C.
I just shed my pants.
How do you keep your friends from boring you with pictures of their children?
Every time they show you a new one, you say, "Oh FUCK yeah!"
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
So I went to the binoculars shop the other day. Tell you what, they saw me coming.