Short jokes
What’s the best part about stage four cancer?
There’s no stage five.
Why are there more female history teachers than male?
Because women like to bring up the past.
There are only 2 things I hate in this world:
1. People who are intolerant of other people's cultures. 2. The French.
Did you hear about the guy who lost his left arm and leg?
He's all right.
What do Spider-Man and suicidal people have in common?
They both hang.
I have a question: Does aging affect corpses, too?
Just asking to know if I still count as a pedophile or not!
What should you do if the dishwasher breaks?
Kick her.
All aboard the Magic School Bus! We are going to New York. The second tower has been hit.
What is a government mandate?
When Obama and Biden go out to dinner together.
What is the difference between the government and organized crime?
Only one of them is organized.
What does a one-night stand have in common with earthquakes? You never know how long they'll last.
What's the difference between a joke and the Twin Towers? People don't laugh at my jokes.
How do you restrain a straight person? Give them a straight jacket.
How do you restrain a trans person? Make the trans vest tight.
Which animal has the largest chest? A Z-bra.
Roses are red. Watches are gold. Get on your knees and do what you're told.
What do orphans and garbage have in common?
They’re both in the street, and no one wants to pick them up.
I tried being an emo, but I never got the hang of it.
Why was the two-piece swimsuit invented?
To separate the meat section from the dairy section.
How do you know that a woman is about to say something smart?
She starts the sentence with ‘a man once said.’
You're so slow, the sped kid is your tutor.