Short jokes
What do you call a school shooting survivor who grows up to be a prostitute on the West Coast?
A Sandy Hooker
What’s the difference between a feminist and a school shooter?
A school shooter actually makes an impact on its targets.
What do a mag and a clip have in common? They are both good at school.
What's a Mexican's favorite insect? A grasshopper.
Your momma is so old she has been a waitress at the last supper.
Why did the orphan go to church?
To hear some "foster" parenting advice.
Why do Chinese people hate Christmas? Because they make the toys.
Son: Dad, I know I'm adopted.
Dad: Well, how do you know?
Son: I found the adoption papers.
Dad: That is for your mum.
If you know, you know.
My friend had one request for me before he committed suicide, and that was to play Van Halen’s “Jump” at his funeral.
Why are most absent dads mechanics?
They like to nut and bolt.
I have a question: Does aging affect corpses, too?
Just asking to know if I still count as a pedophile or not!
I couldn't imagine being Abe Lincoln, that would be mind-blowing!
What's worse than ants in your pants?
Your uncle.
I make suicidal jokes because I am a suicidal joke. And now for my closing act at the end of the rope.
Do you ever look at a person and think, "Just how many generations of inbreeding did it take to create you?"
Have you ever observed the depression cycle of a snail?
It's pretty much a downward spiral.
The IRS hates when you don't have to pay your taxes with this one mind-blowing trick.
Suicide is as easy as my ex-wife.
A depressed kid wanted to give me a high five.
I just left him hanging.
I have a pen, I have an Apple, um, Apple pen.
The Taliban had a plane, the US had a building boom, 9/11.