Short jokes
What's green and has wheels? Grass, I lied about the wheels.
What do you call an autistic person with a driver's license?
A LETHAL WEAPON!
What's the difference between a cat and a banana? It's hard to peel a cat.
Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
Because they taste funny.
What’s loud, red and goes at 200mph?
Paul Walker’s Porsche.
What is the biggest disrespect to send a box of tea bags to Africa?
Why do mermaids wear seashells?
They are too big for “B” shells, and too small for “D” shells.
What is a physicist's favorite food?
Fission chips.
What does a shark and a computer have in common?
They both have megabytes.
The barman says, "We don't serve time travelers in here."
A time traveler walks into a bar.
What did the octopus say to the other? "Let’s hold hands by hands by hands by hands by hands by hands by hands by hands."
Did you know that Iceland is only one sea away from Ireland?
What do you call a school shooting survivor who grows up to be a prostitute on the West Coast?
A Sandy Hooker
If you give a dwarf 5-Hour Energy, will it become 10-hour Energy?
What do you call an apartment full of Black people?
A crackhouse.
Why does the Queen have more mobility than the King in chess?
Because it's shaped like the kitchen floor.
Why do black people only have nightmares?
Because the last one to have a dream got shot. (Martin Luther King joke)
Fat people are the reason we have double doors.
Yo mamma is so dumb that she smokes to burn calories!
Girl, are you a rope? Because I want to hang with you.