Short jokes
Why was the two-piece swimsuit invented?
To separate the meat section from the dairy section.
How do you know that a woman is about to say something smart?
She starts the sentence with ‘a man once said.’
You're so slow, the sped kid is your tutor.
Your hairline is farther back than the Mexican border.
Q. What do you get when you cross a mentally disabled person with a pedophile? A. Jeffy Epstein.
How do terrorists feed their children?
"Here comes the aeroplane!"
"And here comes the second one!"
What's the difference between sex and mental illness?
Most of Reddit has experienced mental illness.
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
I tried to take a picture of some fog. I mist.
How does a turkey drive a car? He wings it.
What do you call frozen Ibuprofen?
A chill pill.
The last joke about the dad was a joke. Don't take it seriously. Can't believe that people actually think that was true.
Why doesn't Kermit the frog get married?
He doesn't like commitment.
I was going to make a pun about math, but my answers never add up.
Did you fall from heaven? Because you really did a damage on your face.
Why do Chinese people hate Christmas? Because they make the toys.
Son: Dad, I know I'm adopted.
Dad: Well, how do you know?
Son: I found the adoption papers.
Dad: That is for your mum.
If you know, you know.
I had a friend who was a dwarf. He committed suicide. He jumped off a curb.
Want to know how to fit 71 people in a car? Two in the front while we handle 69 in the back.
Do trees pee?
How else do we have No. 1 pencils?
My entire family "TAKE THIS GIRL TO AN ASYLUM!!!"
Me "OH NO" 💀