Short jokes
Did you hear of the guy who was sad about being in a wheelchair? He had that crippling depression.
What do squirrels and men have in common?
They always want a nut.
Where do mathematicians go to die?
The symmetry.
Some trans "woman" came up to me and told me to act my age so I told him to act his gender
Just because she weighed as much as two women... Doesn't mean you had a threesome.
What do you call a cross between a gorilla and a monkey? -- A cross.
What do you call a kid having a seizure on a dance floor? An improvement.
Yo girl... do you like squirrels, because I'm about to nut in your hole.
Why can't Trump go to the White House anymore? Because it's forbidden!
What do you call an autistic person with a driver's license?
A LETHAL WEAPON!
What's green and has wheels? Grass, I lied about the wheels.
What's the difference between a cat and a banana? It's hard to peel a cat.
Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
Because they taste funny.
What’s loud, red and goes at 200mph?
Paul Walker’s Porsche.
What is the biggest disrespect to send a box of tea bags to Africa?
What did the octopus say to the other? "Let’s hold hands by hands by hands by hands by hands by hands by hands by hands."
Why do mermaids wear seashells?
They are too big for “B” shells, and too small for “D” shells.
What is a physicist's favorite food?
Fission chips.
What does a shark and a computer have in common?
They both have megabytes.
The barman says, "We don't serve time travelers in here."
A time traveler walks into a bar.