Short jokes
me: calls suicide hotline. hotline lady: suicide hotline, how are you doing today? me: not much, just hanging.
What do you do when your cat's not home?
Answer: You play with your neighbor's pussy.
Some people say I like heights; others say I'm a daredevil.
In reality, I like killing myself.
Why would a protestant refuse to become a catholic?
Because a protestant is not a homosexual sodomite.
Call of Duty kill cam be like.
This is the best kill streak ever!
It’s ok to yell “Kobe” after missing a shot, he didn’t make it either.
If 2 + 2 is 4, and 4 + 4 is 8, then that must mean I can lick your pussy.
I make suicidal jokes because I am a suicidal joke. And now for my closing act at the end of the rope.
Do you ever look at a person and think, "Just how many generations of inbreeding did it take to create you?"
Me: Wanna play a game?
Sister: Ya, what is it?
Me: Tic tac toe.
Sister:?
Takes out knife and rolls up sleeve.
Me: Tic tac toe.
Ever wondered why my gay kids don't play basketball? Because they can't shoot the ball straight into the hoop.
What is the difference between Catholics and Lutherans?
Catholics are registered sex offenders.
I would kiss your lips, but your legs are blocking the way.
If you know, you know. 😏😏
There was a girl I used to date, only to find out that she used to be a man. You could say, she put me in a trans.
What do an open champagne bottle and an orphan have in common? They both lost their pop.
Some guy called me a tool. So I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend. Guess he was right.
I got a part in a movie called "Cocaine." I only have one line.
What’s the difference between the way you watch porn and I watch porn?
The windows we look through.
Why are there no pharmacies in Africa?
Because you can’t take medicine on an empty stomach.
My woman is a nine on a bad day, but she’ll be 10 on her birthday.