Short jokes
What's the difference between a cat and a banana? It's hard to peel a cat.
Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
Because they taste funny.
What’s loud, red and goes at 200mph?
Paul Walker’s Porsche.
Why do mermaids wear seashells?
They are too big for “B” shells, and too small for “D” shells.
What is a physicist's favorite food?
Fission chips.
What does a shark and a computer have in common?
They both have megabytes.
The barman says, "We don't serve time travelers in here."
A time traveler walks into a bar.
What is the biggest disrespect to send a box of tea bags to Africa?
What did the octopus say to the other? "Let’s hold hands by hands by hands by hands by hands by hands by hands by hands."
Did you know that Iceland is only one sea away from Ireland?
What do you call a school shooting survivor who grows up to be a prostitute on the West Coast?
A Sandy Hooker
What do Rihanna and a DJ have in common?
They know how to get a beat down.
How do you flatten curves?
With an abortion.
If a deaf kid swears in sign language, does his mom wash his hands with soap?
How do you know if a Black woman is pregnant?
Stick a chicken wing up there.
What do you call a gay T-Rex?
A tyranno-sore-ass!
Q. What do you get when you blindfold a racist?
A. A Notsee.
If an Indian kid is conceived in incest, would that make them OMbred?
Your momma is so old she has been a waitress at the last supper.
I told my teacher, "I’m failing life." She said, "That’s not on the syllabus."