Short jokes
What is a government mandate?
When Obama and Biden go out to dinner together.
What is the difference between the government and organized crime?
Only one of them is organized.
How do you restrain a straight person? Give them a straight jacket.
How do you restrain a trans person? Make the trans vest tight.
What vegetable is good for your memory? A carrot, because the last time I had one shoved up my ass, I never forgot about it.
What does a one-night stand have in common with earthquakes? You never know how long they'll last.
What's the difference between a joke and the Twin Towers? People don't laugh at my jokes.
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
I tried to take a picture of some fog. I mist.
How does a turkey drive a car? He wings it.
What do you call frozen Ibuprofen?
A chill pill.
The last joke about the dad was a joke. Don't take it seriously. Can't believe that people actually think that was true.
Why doesn't Kermit the frog get married?
He doesn't like commitment.
I was going to make a pun about math, but my answers never add up.
Did you fall from heaven? Because you really did a damage on your face.
Why do Chinese people hate Christmas? Because they make the toys.
Son: Dad, I know I'm adopted.
Dad: Well, how do you know?
Son: I found the adoption papers.
Dad: That is for your mum.
If you know, you know.
I had a friend who was a dwarf. He committed suicide. He jumped off a curb.
Want to know how to fit 71 people in a car? Two in the front while we handle 69 in the back.
Do trees pee?
How else do we have No. 1 pencils?
My entire family "TAKE THIS GIRL TO AN ASYLUM!!!"
Me "OH NO" 💀
I was going to talk about your chin, but I wasn't sure which one to write about.