I have a pen, I have an Apple, um, Apple pen.
The Taliban had a plane, the US had a building boom, 9/11.
Short Jokes
Have you ever observed the depression cycle of a snail?
It's pretty much a downward spiral.
What's the depressed person's favorite song?
Van Halen - Jump
Teacher: "I'll call your mother."
Orphan: "Go on, see if she picks up."
how to solve world hunger and over population?
Cannibalism.
I told the emo girl to stop playing fruit ninja on her wrists.
Suicide is as easy as my ex-wife.
A depressed kid wanted to give me a high five.
I just left him hanging.
Satanism is such an ugly word. I prefer the term, "red skin appreciation."
They say the first time doesn't work, third time's the charm. Ha, not!
Do you know Mike Hawk? No, who is he? Mike Hawk in your MOUTH!
It's opposite day today. I'm gonna tell an orphan that their parents are here.
what do you call it when a person dies in Panera Bread?
Panera dead.
Guy: shows girlfriend his dick.
Girlfriend: "Cool, where is it?"
The IRS hates when you don't have to pay your taxes with this one mind-blowing trick.
Hell hates freezers, England, and soccer.
Hey girl, are your pants a mirror? 'Cause I can see myself in them.
Q: Why aren't there any Walmarts in Afghanistan?
A: Because there's a Target on every corner.
Just give him a smooch it’s better than the cooch - Dream
How many white guys does it take to screw a lightbulb?
None. They hire me to do it.
