Short jokes
Bin Laden promised 76 virgins to Al-Qaeda.
Instead, there was one 76-year-old virgin.
Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? -- Because he can't do stand up.
My grandpa kept warning the people on the Titanic that the boat was going to sink. Result: he got kicked out of the movie theater.
What is Michael Jackson's favorite planet? Uranus.
Why do emos get discounts at every shop? Because they have barcodes on their wrists.
What's red and blue and runs up your leg?
A homesick miscarriage.
What do you call a communist pirate ship?
The USS Arrrrr.
Me running after slapping the emo kid's wrist and saying, "I like ya cut g."
How do you create the world's quickest human pyramid?
Turn on the gas chamber.
How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
5
4 to turn the table, and 1 to hold the bulb.
Q: Why did the two gate-builders start fighting?
A: Because they were fencing.
Crucifixion was the first T-pose.
How did I escape from Iraq, Iran?
Why is the USA so bad at chess?
Because they already lost two towers.
Q: What's a pedophile's favorite place to eat?
A: Schools because there is a wide variety of choices.
My syndrome may be down, but my hopes are always up.
What do you call a cow with no toes?
Lac-toes intolerant.
How did Helen Keller lose her virginity?
I told her the plunger was stuck in the toilet, but she didn’t listen...
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? A lick-a-lot-of-puss!
Did you hear of the guy who was sad about being in a wheelchair? He had that crippling depression.