Short jokes
Can all the hot, depressed, suicidal guys just text me so we can meet up and cry together about how depressed we are. For real.
What is the best thing about being buried alive or burning to death?
No funeral costs.
A miscarriage always brings the child out in me.
What's the difference between Bird flu and swine flu?
For one you get tweetment, for the other you get oinkment.
What's the difference between my dad and my stepdad?
My stepdad beat my ass before he left.
A Mexican boy said, "I can't do this." Then a guy says, "You can do it, we are Mexican, not Mexicant."
Why was the guitarist arrested?
He fingered a minor.
9 out of 10 doctors recommend for children to drink water instead of soda. That 1 doctor lives in Flint, Michigan.
Why did the cheetah get disqualified?
Because he was a cheetah, duh!
How do cows laugh?
Moo-haha.
What did the skeleton say while riding his Harley Davidson motorcycle?
I’m bone to be wild!
Your forehead's so big, it makes Kanye's ego small.
Not totally a joke but... What do all these rape joke naysayers have in common with rapists? They are also forcing themselves on others.
What is common in my AirPods and the Titanic?
They sync properly.
Nutted in my shoes, now my kids are taking a walk.
What did the racist serial killer say to the cop?
“Wait, you’re getting paid?”
My girlfriend told me the dishwasher was leaking, so I brought home some tampons.
If Al Gore started a math rock band, it should be called Algorhythm.
Imagine if on April first the government says, "Hahhaha, you all fell for it. Covid-19 is fake; we actually killed all those people, lol."
What is the difference between a whore and an onion?
You don't cry when you chop a whore.