Short jokes
Relationships are like fat people.
Most of them don’t work out.
No, it's not just a crotch grab. Jacko was jacking it on stage when he saw a 6-year-old boy in the front row.
I came across a dead body in the woods. I liked it so much I came again.
My parents were concerned when I said I like to bleed, but at least I cut my risk of cancer and stroke in half.
Why don't catholic kids lose their virginity in their 20's?
Because they lost it to a priest when they were 5
Why was Tickle Me Elmo upset when he left the factory?
Because they only gave him one test tickle.
Why don’t cannibal kids eat people with Down Syndrome? Because kids don’t like vegetables.
I hate this. Everybody knows it's how I roll, if you jump into my van you get a Tootsie Roll. My uncle said this...
Yo mama so fat, when she said, "I want a boat," they gave her a naval ship.
What do you call a spaceman’s willy?
A Shuttlecock!
"Sir, in court, all your answers must be oral, okay?"
"Ok."
"What town did you grow up in?"
"Oral."
Slavery and discipline, it's kind of the same thing. You get whipped for doing the wrong thing.
Yo mama so fat when she went on a plane, somebody yelled "A solar eclipse!"
The only person I'd have a cooking lesson with is Hitler.
Why did mommy disappear? The dad: Well, when she crossed the road to get to the chicken, she only made it halfway.
What does the hare say to the other hare? You look nice with your hare cut!
Chuck Norris doesn't need to be vaccinated. Vaccines need to be Chuck Norrised.
Some girl just walks into my 6th period geography class. The first thing I think is, "Oh shit! It's mini Regina George without titties!"
A favorite childhood memory was building sandcastles with my grandfather, that is until my mom took the urn away from me.
All orphans must be gay because they are not home o'fobic.