Short jokes
What's the difference between an elephant and a feminist?
The feminist is overweight.
Americans won't have a Thanksgiving Dinner this year. Why not? They sent their turkey to the White House.
Why don't Mexicans cross the border in groups of 3? Cause the sign says "No Trespassing."
Did you hear about the guy who got electrocuted?
It was quite a shocker.
I identify as kilometers per second because I want to km/s.
If you're fat and transgender, then would you be considered trans fat?
A miscarriage always brings the child out in me.
What did the make-a-wish kid say to the staff? "I don't wanna go to Disneyland, I wanna live longer."
What do you call a funny cow?
A cowmedian.
I wish my lawn was emo, because then it would cut itself.
Hairy vagina is like sweets with the wrapper on. You don't like it, but you still eat it.
"I wasn't that drunk yesterday."
"Oh boy, you took the shower head in your arms and told it to stop crying."
Are you a Samsung Galaxy Note 7? Because I want to explode in you!
What is the best thing about being buried alive or burning to death?
No funeral costs.
A nun walked into a bar with her clothes on inside out. The bartender asked her about it, and she replied, "It's a bad habit."
What did one piece of toilet paper say to the other? "I feel really wiped."
Man, my Muslim friend's the bomb!
My daughter is the most adorable little girl in the world. She's got my sister's eyes.
What noise does Stephen Hawking make when he dies? Windows shutting down theme tune.
Guess Stephen's batteries died.