Short jokes
I've been trying to find jokes about gouging my eyes out, but I couldn't see any.
I just watched a documentary about beavers. It was the best dam show I've ever seen.
My dad told me to do what he did best, so I left.
what happens when you accidentally taught your child to call every man daddy?
you find the real one.
You: “Knock knock.” Person: “Who’s there?” You: “Leaf.” Person: “Leaf who?” You: “Leaf this house!”
*Apple bottom jeans plays*
You want to hear a rape joke? Yeah. Damn you ruined it.
What's a Parkinson's victim's least favorite song?
Taylor Swift - "Shake it Off".
What’s the best part about fucking suicide girls?
The pussies are limited edition.
Roses are red, violets are blue. Get over here so I can fuck you.
I would roast BlessedBrian, but it seems LIFE already did a thorough job.
What do you call a banana eating a banana?
Canabananalism.
What did the lawyer name his twins?
COURTney and CASEy.
Relationships are like fat people.
Most of them don’t work out.
No, it's not just a crotch grab. Jacko was jacking it on stage when he saw a 6-year-old boy in the front row.
I came across a dead body in the woods. I liked it so much I came again.
My parents were concerned when I said I like to bleed, but at least I cut my risk of cancer and stroke in half.
Why don't catholic kids lose their virginity in their 20's?
Because they lost it to a priest when they were 5
Why was Tickle Me Elmo upset when he left the factory?
Because they only gave him one test tickle.
Why don’t cannibal kids eat people with Down Syndrome? Because kids don’t like vegetables.
I hate this. Everybody knows it's how I roll, if you jump into my van you get a Tootsie Roll. My uncle said this...