Short jokes
I dated a furry once.
The relationship didn't work out, she was a cheetah.
So, you're into pronouns? Let me she/them titties.
Son: Can I go to my friend's mum? Mum: No! Son: Dad was right, I am a son of a bitch! Mum: Bad news, but you're adopted!!
So I became a teacher in a school for disabled children.
A kid wanted to ask me a question, so I told him to stand while he address me. ๐
Hey, are you a terrorist? 'Cause I rate you 9/11.
A favorite childhood memory was building sandcastles with my grandfather, that is until my mom took the urn away from me.
Your hairline's so messed up that even Martin Luther King Jr. couldn't have a dream about it.
What do orphans like about tattoos? They stick around.
Boy 1: "Sonic is a fictional character."
Boy 2: "Yeah, just like your dad."
Why did the Titanic cross the river to get to the bottom?
I bought my cousin a trampoline, she started crying. She was in a wheelchair.
Me: brags about my 30 kill streak.
The jury: O.o
When Michael Jackson died, people melted him down into Lego pieces so that little kids could play with him instead.
What does a pedophile and a light switch have in common?
They both get turned on by children.
Crispy, Juicy, Tender, I just put my new-born son in a blender.
How do you get to the Hogwarts gym?
Go through the dumbbell door.
Nice! Angry Birds really has improved.
Whenever I have diarrhea, my roommate gets constipated.
When I told him this, he said, "Are you kidding me?"
I said, "I shit you not."
Why are Americans so bad at Clash of Clans? Because they already lost two towers.
What is the most popular game at the orphanage?
Need For Speed: Most Wanted.