Short jokes

I would roast you but you're already so hot.

My grandad said I'm too reliant on technology, so I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

Two chinamen walk into a bar. The landlord says, "Why the same face?"

"Better lock 'em doors and turn the lights down low... Better turn 'em on, just stubbed my f***ing toe!"

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple gets picked.

Why can't orphans have sex?

They have no one to call "daddy".

Husband: "I think I might take a picture of your breasts and frame it."

Wife: "I think I'll take a picture of your penis and enlarge it."

What's the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot? Bigfoot has been sighted.

Why do pedophiles go to a nursery?

Early access.

At every funeral, it's a try-not-to-say-"big mood"-challenge for me.

I tried to take a fog machine, but I took the wrong one. Needless to say, it was a big mist-take.

What kind of shorts do clouds wear?

Thunderwear.

My mom came to me and shouted, "Nobody is giving me a fuck." So I went forward and fucked her!

I ain't shaking anyone's hand, not because of the Coronavirus... I ain't shaking anyone's hand because y'all out of toilet paper!

Q: What was the name of Michael Jackson's last book?

A: The ins and outs of child rearing.

"I bought my little sister a trampoline for her birthday, but all she wants to do is sit in her wheelchair and cry."

What did the Chinese family name their retarded kid? Something Wong.

How do you keep a mute woman you've raped from telling on you?

By cutting off her fingers.

I was walking down the street when I thought I smelled my ex's perfume. Turns out, I was standing in front of a fish market.

If you’re forced to have it as a child, you won’t like it as an adult.

I guess Hitler was forced to have vegetables when he was younger.