Short jokes
Q: What did the cannibal say to the leper?
A: You gonna eat that?
How did Harry Potter get down the hill?
Running, JK rolling!
what was sally's role in a football game?
the football ;-;
I used to have a fear of hurdles.
But I got over it.
I drew a picture of a whale in the ocean. My brother asked, "What are you drawing?" I said, "You taking a shower."
Can I branch out to some tree puns? Willow you allow me it’s only fur. No? Oakome on!
Yo hairline be lookin' like Elmo's toe fungus.
Helen Keller fell down a well. She screamed and screamed until she was blue in the hands.
Dear math,
Please grow up and solve your own problems. I'm tired of solving them for you.
Thanks.
How do you confuse a blonde? Put it in a circle and tell it to sit in the corner.
The doctor says, "Your wife is pregnant." The man says that he used a condom and the doctor says, "Yeah, but I didn't."
My daughter said I could never make a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!
Who do you want on your basketball team in heaven?
Peter. He can deny Jesus three times.
What is the similarity between a sloth and a depressed kid?
They both hang from trees.
Can all the hot, depressed, suicidal guys just text me so we can meet up and cry together about how depressed we are. For real.
What's the difference between Bird flu and swine flu?
For one you get tweetment, for the other you get oinkment.
What is the best thing about being buried alive or burning to death?
No funeral costs.
What's the difference between my dad and my stepdad?
My stepdad beat my ass before he left.
A Mexican boy said, "I can't do this." Then a guy says, "You can do it, we are Mexican, not Mexicant."
Why was the guitarist arrested?
He fingered a minor.