Short jokes
I ain't shaking anyone's hand, not because of the Coronavirus... I ain't shaking anyone's hand because y'all out of toilet paper!
Q: What was the name of Michael Jackson's last book?
A: The ins and outs of child rearing.
"I bought my little sister a trampoline for her birthday, but all she wants to do is sit in her wheelchair and cry."
What did the Chinese family name their retarded kid? Something Wong.
How do you keep a mute woman you've raped from telling on you?
By cutting off her fingers.
I was walking down the street when I thought I smelled my ex's perfume. Turns out, I was standing in front of a fish market.
If you’re forced to have it as a child, you won’t like it as an adult.
I guess Hitler was forced to have vegetables when he was younger.
Did you hear about the guy who got electrocuted?
It was quite a shocker.
What's the difference between an elephant and a feminist?
The feminist is overweight.
Americans won't have a Thanksgiving Dinner this year. Why not? They sent their turkey to the White House.
Hairy vagina is like sweets with the wrapper on. You don't like it, but you still eat it.
"I wasn't that drunk yesterday."
"Oh boy, you took the shower head in your arms and told it to stop crying."
What do you call a funny cow?
A cowmedian.
A miscarriage always brings the child out in me.
What did the make-a-wish kid say to the staff? "I don't wanna go to Disneyland, I wanna live longer."
I wish my lawn was emo, because then it would cut itself.
Are you a Samsung Galaxy Note 7? Because I want to explode in you!
What is the best thing about being buried alive or burning to death?
No funeral costs.
I identify as kilometers per second because I want to km/s.
A nun walked into a bar with her clothes on inside out. The bartender asked her about it, and she replied, "It's a bad habit."