September 11th. #BringYourPlaneToWorkDay
Short Jokes
Is it necrophilia if they die while you're having sex and you just don't realize?
That's what happened to my dog.
What do girls and noodles have in common?
They both wiggle when you eat them.
"Better lock 'em doors and turn the lights down low... Better turn 'em on, just stubbed my f***ing toe!"
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
Why can't orphans have sex?
They have no one to call "daddy".
Why do orphans love drinking water? Because they have no milk to drink!
Why are the Americans good at Rubik's cubes? Because they have a long history of separating colors.
I was going to write a corny joke, but those are a bit too EAR-itating.
Crucifixion was the first T-pose.
What do you call a paralyzed turtle?
Shell shocked.
What's the difference between a smart blonde and Bigfoot? Bigfoot has been sighted.
I wanted to be an astronaut, but my parents always told me when I was little that the sky was the limit.
I tried to take a fog machine, but I took the wrong one. Needless to say, it was a big mist-take.
Husband: "I think I might take a picture of your breasts and frame it."
Wife: "I think I'll take a picture of your penis and enlarge it."
At every funeral, it's a try-not-to-say-"big mood"-challenge for me.
I ain't shaking anyone's hand, not because of the Coronavirus... I ain't shaking anyone's hand because y'all out of toilet paper!
Age is just a number,
Jail is just a room.
What do you call a Chinese billionaire?
Cha Ching.
How do you keep a mute woman you've raped from telling on you?
By cutting off her fingers.
