Short jokes

Are your hands feeling heavy? Because I can hold them for you.

I'm shocked, my new toaster isn't waterproof.

What is Hitler's favorite food? A hindenburger.

What's the difference between humans and trash cans? One's actually useful.

What did Trump rename the Presidential plane?

Answer: Hair Force One!

Should I buy COVID-19 or wait until COVID-20 comes out?

Papa John's pizzeria and abortion clinic. You make 'em, we bake 'em.

I'm not a failure. Suuuurrrre.

What did the Queen Bee say to the other bees? "Beehive yourselves!"

My grandfather says I’m too reliant on technology.

I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

My ex still misses me... But her aim is getting better every time!

What do astronauts eat off of? A satellite dish.

A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic. So, she gets a divorce.

How many people does it take to screw in a light bulb? It takes two, but don't ask me how they get inside.

How do you get Wacko Jacko to come inside your shop? Have little boys' pants half off!

Book on Michael Jackson: Issued black; returned white.

A hot dog and a banana had a race. Who won?

The wiener.

I stopped a terrorist from killing 100 people on a plane using self-control.

what did the woman do after meeting up with a rapist?

sue the dating site for matching her with him.

Bad Hitler puns are infuhrerating.