Short jokes

They should bring Michael Jackson back from the dead so he can star in the Peter Pan horror movie.

My dick was in the book of world records.

But then the librarian asked me to take it out.

What's the same with shoes and slaves?

When they get loose, you tie them up.

I asked a kid at my work where his parents were. He started crying. Man, I don't know what I did. I'll ask another kid at the orphanage.

My dad’s nickname for me is ‘Tiger’.

Now, my wrists look like a tiger.

Me: I found a group of furries in the woods.

Voice in back: Well, it looks like we're going huntin'.

Q: What do you call a black prostitute in space?

A: The Blackhole.

I hate prom in Alabama. They always say, "Uhh, actually this is our family reunion." We are in Alabama, so they are the same thing.

If you're in Alabama, family reunions are basically speed dating events.

What is the difference between Putin and Hitler? Putin no longer supplies gas and Hitler gives it away for free.

I told a crippled guy he is immortal because he can't kick the bucket.

Friend: "UR LIT BRO!!"

Me: "That's what my sleeve said to my arm."

Hey, are you suicide? Because I want to do you!

What do White Castle sliders and Michael Jackson have in common? They have their meat in tiny wet buns.

My best friend is transgender; she transitioned from a man into a woman. I think it's courageous of her to take a pay cut like that.

James Last, the king of the LP bargain bin, died a Florida Man.

I have some jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work.

I'm so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed.

You look good with anything, but nothing works too.

Let's play carpenter. First, we'll get hammered, then I'll nail you.