Short jokes
Look, I didn't hit rock bottom. I gracefully floated down there like Mary Poppins with an umbrella.
What did the dime say to the penny? At least I have more cents than you.
Becoming a vegetarian is a huge missed steak.
Sometimes, stairs get me down.
Alzheimer's protesters march chanting. "What do we want? Better treatment... When do we want it? ...Want what?"
Person: I broke my arm in three places.
Doctor: Well, don't go to those three places then.
What did the processor say when it was being overclocked?
"Stop it! It hertz so much!"
Why did the skeleton start a fight? Because he had a bone to pick.
Why did the wetback cross the river? To get to the US.
Is a disabled person who has no arms but has guns armed or not armed?
Women are like iPhones, you have to touch them all over before they respond. Men are like Blackberrys, rub one ball and everything moves!
Why do black people only have nightmares?
Because we shot the last one that had a dream.
A guy threatened to touch me yesterday...
BlessedBrian's autobiography would be titled "The Adventure of Watching Paint Dry."
“Dad, can you explain to me what a solar eclipse is?”
No sun.
It's telling that Ye gets more offended when he's called a gayfish than a Nazi.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
What is the difference between an illegal immigrant and E.T.?
E.T. eventually went home!
When someone says you're adopted, say, "But you're still at the orphanage."
Wanna play shark attack? I eat, you scream!