Short jokes
what do you call a bunch of retarded kids in a hot tub?
steamed vegetables.
Ring ring.
Abortion clinic!
Where no fetus can beat us.
What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball? "Wow, hairy!"
Give a man a fish, feed him for a day.
Give a man a poison fish, feed him for a lifetime.
I never knew the kid at school had autism. I always just thought he was walking into cobwebs.
Why did the old man fall into the well? He couldn't see that well.
Doctor: "Does your penis burn after intercourse?"
Patient: "I don't know. I never tried lighting it."
Why is Stephen Hawking good at skateboarding? Because he's always on the ramps.
There were two peanuts walking down an alley. One was assaulted.
what's the difference between a baby and a trampoline? the trampoline doesn't cave in when i jump on it.
Why won't Trump be subject to impeachment?
Answer: Because Republicans in Congress insist that every baby be brought to full term!
How do you get a dishwasher to shovel snow? Give the bitch a shovel.
The difference between my life and a joke is that a joke has meaning.
What do you call Helen Keller in a pitch black, sound proof room?
Unnecessary.
I was going to buy a pocket calculator. But then I thought, who cares how many pockets I have?
What can you say both at a funeral and during sex?
This would be much better if you were alive.
Age is just a number,
Jail is just a room.
I was rooting for Donald Trump to be president.
We haven't had a presidential assassination in a while.
What's the difference between a refrigerator and a gay guy? You have to ask permission before stuffing it with meat.
If there is a hair, the meat is ruined.