Short jokes
My mom said she will slam my head into my computer if I don't get off it. I'm not too worried though, I think she is just joking.
The thing I don't like about shopping centers...
When you see one, you've seen a mall.
When deaf people see someone yawning, do they think they're screaming?
God creating bees.
God: "Put a needle on their butt."
Angel: "Come on, God, wha-"
God: "Make its puke delicious."
Angel: "WTF"
What do you get if you eat 3.14 cakes?
Fat, you get fat.
What? Were you expecting a pi joke?
The teacher asked, "Why are you in school on a Saturday?"
I told her my mum told me to go to hell.
Did you hear about the guy who got a tattoo of an octopus?
He got inked up.
what's black and red and is a liquid?
my scars!
what's the difference between an onion and a baby?
nobody cries when you cut up the baby.
What's the difference between peanut butter and jam? I can't peanut butter my dick up your ass.
What do you call someone who hates rape jokes? An ugly feminist that couldn't get a cock in her mouth.
This man got his left arm and left leg cut off, and someone asked him, "How are you?" And he said, "I’m all right now."
What do you call a roach in milk?
A roach con leche. 😂
what do you call a bunch of retarded kids in a hot tub?
steamed vegetables.
Ring ring.
Abortion clinic!
Where no fetus can beat us.
What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball? "Wow, hairy!"
I never knew the kid at school had autism. I always just thought he was walking into cobwebs.
Give a man a fish, feed him for a day.
Give a man a poison fish, feed him for a lifetime.
Why did the old man fall into the well? He couldn't see that well.
Doctor: "Does your penis burn after intercourse?"
Patient: "I don't know. I never tried lighting it."