Short jokes
What was Stephen Hawking's favorite shampoo? Head 'n Shoulders.
What did one shoe say to the other shoe when they were fighting?
I wanna sock you in the eye so bad!
Teacher: "I'm sorry, but you got a 74 on the test."
Quiet Kid: "I'll show you my own 74."
Classroom: *visible panic*
Look, I didn't hit rock bottom. I gracefully floated down there like Mary Poppins with an umbrella.
Sometimes, stairs get me down.
Why did the dog join the marching band?
Because he had his trum-bone.
Becoming a vegetarian is a huge missed steak.
Why does Ms. Mushroom 🍄 go out with Mr. Mushroom 🍄?
Because he’s a fungi.
What did the processor say when it was being overclocked?
"Stop it! It hertz so much!"
Person: I broke my arm in three places.
Doctor: Well, don't go to those three places then.
Why do black people only have nightmares?
Because we shot the last one that had a dream.
I got in big trouble the other day, though it was pretty unfair. Babies kick pregnant women all the time, and yet I got arrested anyways.
Why does Batman’s mask only cover half of his face?
So the police can see that he’s white.
The only person I'd have a cooking lesson with is Hitler.
What’s a 9/11 victim’s least favorite song?
Drowning Pool - Bodies.
What happens if a cookie turns emo?
It becomes a cookie cutter.
What do you call a group of black people in a shed?
Antique farm equipment.
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
"How do you breathe through something so small?"
Communists don't play Minecraft.
They play Ourcraft.
The population in Ireland's capital started rapidly growing. In fact, it's Dublin!