Short jokes
How do you execute a retard?
The Electric Wheelchair.
What do you get after a leper has a hot bath? ... Porridge.
Why was Hitler bad at math?
He could only count to nein.
Why doesn't Mexico compete in the Olympics?
Because all the Mexicans who can run, jump, and swim are in the U.S.
99% of women kiss with their eyes closed, that's why it's so hard to identify the rapist.
Why does Bill Clinton wear boxers? -- To keep his ankles warm.
What is the sun's favorite chocolate bar?
A Milky Way 😱
What's the difference between a man and a table?
The table doesn't cry when I break its legs.
Q. What do you call a gun that rapes someone?
A. An assault rifle.
What do you call Mexicans in a band trying to be a white band?
"Juan Direction."
When the teacher calls on you and asks you how many people did Hitler kill?
"One, he killed himself."
Why do orphans love having sex?
Because they can finally call somebody "daddy."
Doctor: "You're as healthy as a horse!"
Jimmy: "That's great!"
Doctor: "A horse with cancer."
Q: What's the hardest thing about losing your virginity?
A: Making sure she doesn't wake up.
The only thing I do straight is vodka.
Why is there no toilet paper at KFC?
Because it's finger lickin' good!
So, is a homosexual in a coma a fruit or a vegetable?
Why does 9/11 only get a day, but Pride gets an entire month?
Because pride is a bigger tragedy.
When you ask the cashiers for the specials menu, and they bring out the autistic kid, blind kid, and Down syndrome kid.
What is the Twin Towers' least favorite song? "I'm Still Standing."