Short jokes
I've just started a new business making people breathe in large amounts of helium. They all speak very highly of it.
The daughter milked her dad. It turns out it wasn't milk...
What war did Africa not win? The water fight.
Yo mama so fat, when she joined NASA, they put her in orbit and the next day there was a lunar eclipse.
What place can you always find suicidal cows at?
"McDonald's."
If tomatoes are a fruit, does that mean ketchup is a smoothie?
Jack and Jill popped some pills to get a little tipsy.
Jack got a surprise and bloodshot eyes because Jill gave him a roofie.
Two cows standing in a paddock, one says, "Moo." The other turns to him and says, "I was just going to say that!"
Your adopted.
What does a Mexican Highlander say?
"There can be only Juan!"
What does one math book say to the other? -- "Don't bother me. I've got my own problems!"
What does a pizza delivery man and a gynecologist have in common?
They can both smell it, but they can’t eat it.
An apple a day can do so much more than keep the doctor away... it can keep ANYONE away.
if you throw it hard enough.
Say what you will of pedophiles, but you can't ignore their problem with immature ejaculation.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to get some water. Jill pulled up her dress and said, "Daddy, fuck me harder."
What do you call a 3-sum with a girl with AIDS?
Nut in the butt.
I told my mother I wanted a brother for Christmas. The next day, I saw her in the strip club across the street.
You walk into a McDonald's and you ask for some extra mayo, and they put too much on there.
I say I didn't order a "McCumshot."
What do you call a Trump Supporter?
A piece of $hit!
What do a convention of nerds and Kurt Cobain's garage have in common?
There's brains all over the place.