Short jokes
All you need is a razor blade in life.
What is Beethoven doing now?
Decomposing.
I asked my doctor if it was normal for one of my nuts to be bigger than the other two.
The daughter milked her dad. It turns out it wasn't milk...
Why can't religious women be raped? Because they are taught to never say no!
Why does a movie set say "break a leg"? Because they have a cast.
Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?
Because she was stuffed.
I've just started a new business making people breathe in large amounts of helium. They all speak very highly of it.
Why do women have cleaner minds than men? Because they change theirs more often.
What war did Africa not win? The water fight.
Yo mama so fat, when she joined NASA, they put her in orbit and the next day there was a lunar eclipse.
When Stephen Hawking found out about physics, he was speechless.
I went to the National Redhead Meeting yesterday.
Not a soul in sight.
I woke up one night and it was really dark in my room. Then my TV started to float out the window. I said, "Drop it, nig-"
What place can you always find suicidal cows at?
"McDonald's."
If tomatoes are a fruit, does that mean ketchup is a smoothie?
Two cows standing in a paddock, one says, "Moo." The other turns to him and says, "I was just going to say that!"
Your adopted.
Jack and Jill popped some pills to get a little tipsy.
Jack got a surprise and bloodshot eyes because Jill gave him a roofie.
Say what you will of pedophiles, but you can't ignore their problem with immature ejaculation.