Short jokes
I used to date a girl named Ruth, but she broke up with me and now I am ruthless.
I am about to make a joke about cake. You butter believe it.
My undergrad was killer. It was murder in the first degree.
Putin's Brain:
What is the most common crime in China?
Identity fraud.
Why couldn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it was stuck in a crack.
What do you call a fish with no eye?
Fsh.
September 11th. #BringYourPlaneToWorkDay
What do you do when a person with epilepsy gets seizures in the bathtub? Throw in some laundry.
Boss: You're fired.
Me: *pauses porn* Why?
Billy: *spits out food*
Mom: BILLY! We swallow what we have in our mouths.
Dad: *looks at mom*
Mom: Shut up.
If you get it, you get it.
Parents: "OH! Honey, we were just wrestling!"
Little Johnny: "OK! I'll join you!"
I was blessed with a 9-inch dick. Fair to say that priest is in jail now.
If I'm ugly, why do you always look at me when I come in the door?
Q: Who are the fastest readers? A: Twin Tower victims, they got 80 stories in ten seconds.
I saw my wife at the dam yesterday. Drat. I was hoping she might float a bit more downstream.
I was making sandcastles with my Nan, then my mum came in the room and took away the urn.
There is a thin line between death and life!
You won't live to see it.....
The Cardiogram will!!
Why is leather armor better for sneaking than steel armor?
Leather armor is made of hide.
What's Saudi Arabia's highest rated sitcom? -- How I bought your mother.