Short jokes
I asked a Scottish friend of mine how many sexual partners he'd had. He started counting, but fell asleep.
I haven't talked to my wife in three weeks.
I didn't want to interrupt her.
What do you get when you throw a baby into the wheat thresher?
An erection.
My cock was in the book of world records...
The librarian told me to take it out.
Why did lil Susie fall off the swing? She didn’t have any arms.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Not lil Susie.
I figured out why everyone is buying toilet paper. Because a huge rock is headed towards Earth, and paper covers rock.
Spongebob is yellow, and he can't drive.
Must be Asian.
What's sad and has no life? The person reading this.
What did one cell say to his sister when she stepped on his toe? Mitosis!
Where do rabbits eat breakfast?
IHOP.
What’s the difference between a bird and a human?
“We don’t eat with our peckers.”
What do you call your brother in Alabama? Daddy.
I heard a pretty juicy rumor about butter, but I decided I didn't want to spread it.
What's better than roses on a piano?
Tulips on an organ.
Like if you have a boyfriend, girlfriend, or husband, or wife, or a crush.
i raped a dog. When asked how her experience was, she said ruff
Happiness.
Paul Walker's death was a tragedy, but at least he went out in a blaze of glory.
Why did Trump decide to build the wall?
Because China built a wall and they do not have any Mexicans.
On the inside of a fire hydrant you'll find H2O. What's on the outside? K9P.